Havana's Birthday Festival!

At the Dugger house we don't just do birthdays... we do birthday festivals. Several day celebrations! On October 4th our little playgroup celebrated all the birthdays in October... Havana was the only one and so everyone sang happy birthday to her. It took her a minute to realize they were all singing to her, but then she broke out in a huge smile. I loved it.

On October 17th we had her "friend" birthday party. It was at a local bakery. We could have up to 10 kids (including Havana) and the children were able to decorate cookies and cupcakes and then ate cake and ice cream.. sang songs.. etc. It was cute and sweet and special. Havana enjoyed it and loved having people sing her Happy Birthday again.

Everyone singing Happy Birthday at her friend party.

sitting with her friends at her party!

Then, October 28th was her third birthday. Jason and I woke her up by singing happy birthday to her. We spent the morning at playgroup that morning and then to Chuck-E-Cheese. When she ran into playgroup she yelled, "It's My Birthday!"  After nap time we went to toys R us to get her a small birthday gift from us. That night we sang her happy birthday and let her eat some ice cream!

The next day, the 29th, we had her family party. My parents and Jason's mom came down and it was a simple "Princess Party" complete with a princess themed cake. Havana again enjoy it and kept exclaiming, "It's my birthday party." This really was the first year she grasped and took ownership of her special day and that warmed my heart.

Princess Cake!!!! 

Jonah and Selah were troopers during the festival. I'm glad they are still a little young to experience any jealousy. I remember struggling with other's birthdays growing up and being that mommy who never wants my kids to have a hurt feeling I'm dreading that time they have trouble celebrating with their sibling, but thankfully I can make that into a teachable moment about sharing in other's joy.

It's hard to believe my oldest is three! I watch her as she is becoming a little girl: using her imagination, loving to play dress up, etc. and I think, "was it really three years ago you were a tiny newborn baby?" Time is flying... can someone please slow it down?! Ha. 

Birthday Eve

Dear Havana, ,

Tomorrow you turn three. Three! I can't believe it. You are becoming such a beautiful girl - on the inside and the out. I spent a few minutes tonight just watching you on the video monitor after we put you to bed. You were laying with all your stuffed animals and you said, "Hello, my name is Havana. Hello, my name is Baby Jonah. Hello, my name is Baby Selah. ... Black/Brown/White/Pink/Red (all while doing the signs). ... God Loves Me. ... Black/Brown." Then you broke out in the veggie tales theme song. What a precious snap shot for me to remember as you close out your second year.

Riding a pony at the Jeff Fest - this photo ended up in the paper and in a magazine!

I certainly would never apply the term "terrible twos" to this past year with you. You've been such an amazing joy. Watching you grow, learn, conquer your fears, and share your feelings is truly a privilege. Your curiosity is ever increasing, your laughter is contagious, your speech is precious. I delight in watching you as the "big sister" and the heart you have for your family, your church, and the Lord often leave me in tears (the good kind of tears). You are so very precious - to God, to me, to your daddy, and to this world. God is going to use you in mighty ways and I can't wait to see what gifts and talents He has instilled in you. What a fun year your threes will be. Full of new challenges, I'm sure, but all that we will discover, all that you will accomplish... so excited.

I love you so much, baby girl! You are my special Havana and I seriously look at you and am humbled the Lord answered our prayers for a baby through YOU. He  clearly ordained YOU to be the oldest child in our home. You are a wonderful daughter and an amazing big sister. Please know I cherish every day with you.

Enjoying your birthday party! 

All my Love,
your mommy.

Tent Of Meeting

Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the “tent of meeting.” Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp. And whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent. As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the LORD spoke with Moses. Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

Exodus 33:-7-11

This passage is near to my heart today. Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing a mighty woman of God speak. She talked about the importance of having a "tent of meeting" in our home. One where we can meet with God on a regular basis. I agree whole heartily with that, but she took it further. She talked about teaching your kids, from a very young age, to also have their own tent of meeting. I grew more and more excited as she explained how she taught her two year old to have a quiet time. Jason and I have done a daily devotion since we were dating... when we had Havana we changed that into a family devotion time. However, we save our own personal quiet times for the mornings before the children are awake or during their nap times. We have never had our quiet time in front of our children. We have talked several times about teaching them to have their own quiet times perhaps when they phase out of taking a nap or sometime in the future. Yet, i was convicted yesterday as this woman spoke of the importance of having the children see mom in her "tent of meeting" having her own quiet time. Showing them (not just telling them) that I live daily on the Word of God.  She also encouraged that we do this first thing to make it a priority. I discussed this with Jason last night and we decided that we would start that today. In addition to our family devotion time at night we will add a morning quiet time for our children. We prayed about where our "tent of meeting" should be. Mine is at my desk when I have my own quiet time, but for the children we thought (at least while they are this young) we need to have everyone on the couch.

So, today, I started the day waking up before the children and having my own personal time with God in my own "tent of meeting". Then I woke the children up and took them down for breakfast. After all three children had eaten I told them we were going to have our own personal quiet times and they needed to sit on the couch. I gave two Bible story books to Havana and two to Jonah. I set Selah in her swing. I set the microwave timer for one minute and told them we were going to be quiet and read our Bibles until the timer went off.   Jonah (17 months old) patted his Bible (what we've taught him to do) and kept saying "Bible" (pat pat) "Bible (pat pat). I don't think he even opened it. :) Havana looked at her books. She did ask once where daddy was. I told her he was at work and then reminded her that we were being quiet until the timer went off. I opened my Bible and read in Esther. Once the timer went off I told the children they did a great job having a quiet time and I was very proud of them. Havana said, "do it again." - I told her she could keep reading if she wanted to... it lasted may 30 seconds longer, but I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe how well they took to the new routine and I told them we were going to be doing this every morning.

My children in their "tent of meeting" - this was after the timer went off. Havana wanted to do it again and apparently Jonah was done. :) 

I had a meeting today at church and so after our little quiet time I loaded everyone up and we were gone for a few hours. As soon as we came home Havana ran to the couch and said, "Havana read Bible, Baby Jonah read Bible, Mama read Bible again?" -- she was asking to do it again! My heart was overwhelmed. We will be doing it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day... I would like to add in a family prayer time after the quiet time. That slipped my mind today, but will talk with Jason tonight about it and hopes we add it in tomorrow. So excited to see how God is going to use this time! As I was reading Exodus 33 today and focusing on the "tent of meeting" I was struck by the last verse about how Joshua "did not leave the tent." -- I began to pray that our children will never "leave the tent" as they get older. Of course they can't stay on the couch all day, every day, but spiritually I pray that by setting up these family quiet times my children will learn to talk to God as if to a friend and that they will never leave His presence. Praying hard for my kiddos to be sold out followers of Christ! Oh, how I love my Lord, His Word, and learning from others who are wise in the faith!

Dating Anniversary!

October 19, 2002:

It was a Saturday and I was getting ready to attend a wedding of some friends from church. My date for evening was a good friend of mine named Jason. A young man who I had been friends with for the past 10 months. Jason and I had been " casual dating" for the past four months. We were seeing a lot of each other... going out to eat, movies, concerts, at his apartment, participating in ministries and mission trips together and the like. We would hold hands or he would put his arm around me, but we never kissed and we were not "boyfriend/girlfriend". He had started one conversation with me about a month earlier, in which he stated that while he enjoyed going out with me, he wasn't ready for an exclusive relationship because he had just started medical school  and the work was taking up all of his time. Plus, just a few months prior, he had broken up with a girlfriend and he was still trying to heal from that relationship. I was alright with his pacing and expressed that to him. I truly enjoyed his friendship and all our spiritual discussions. We worked together in a few different ministries at church and so saw each other a few times a week. After church on Sunday and Wednesday we would usually go out to eat or to see a movie. He invited me over to his apartment a lot to play games, eat pizza, and work on ministry things. Occasionally I would make him dinner and on big test days I asked him to leave his apartment unlocked and while he was taking the test I would clean his apartment and leave him notes about how I prayed for him. We had been to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert just a few weeks before which was a memorable date for me. We would also meet on campus a lot where he was a medical student and I was a sophomore in my undergrad years. We enjoyed "bumping" into each other often and had a very easy friendship. Our favorite thing to do together was pray. It was a perfect friendship.

I spent the morning shopping for a new outfit and getting my hair cut and styled at a local spa. I was looking forward to a fun, fall wedding. Once I was ready, I made my way over to Jason's apartment where we were going to hang out before leaving for the wedding. I knock on the door, my heart racing as it always did when I was in his presence, and I hear him call from inside, "Come on in."

I walk and and there he is (looking very handsome) standing in front of TV watching an Ohio State vs. Wisconsin game. He does not hide his double take as I enter. He was impressed with my appearance and loved my hair. He walks over, greets me with a hug, and then tells me how nice I look. I'm wearing a skirt, nice shirt, my hair is styled in a very nice "up-do" and I'm wearing a long dress rain coat that he still tells me how much he likes. :) We watch a little of the game and then we turn it off early to leave for the wedding. We ride to the wedding in his old 93 Dodge Dakota Truck. It was rainy and somewhat chilly, but it worked out well, because we had to stand close to each other under Jason's umbrella when walking to/from the car. In fact, Jason remembers how natural pulling me close and putting his arm around my waist felt to him. Perhaps that is another one of the reasons it ended up being such a special night.

We hold hands during the ceremony, but as I mentioned, holding hands, even his arm around my waist, wasn't out of the ordinary. The wedding was beautiful and Christ Centered. Jason and I were very happy for the bride and groom. We head on the reception which was at the Louisville Slugger Field. The reception was very personal and fun! Jason started the conversation (!) about things he wanted at his wedding (which of course is a favorite conversation of this girl) and whispered in my ear, "you know, it takes a lot for me to look up from a football game... especially if it is an Ohio State game... especially if they are losing, but when you walked in my door I couldn't look at anything else." :)  Jason and I sat at a table with another couple and we shared stories and laughter with them. The husband of that couple finally asked how long we had been together. A little awkward pause and then Jason said (with his arm still around my shoulders), "Actually, we are aren't dating, but really good friends." Another slight pregnant pause. I am certainly okay with his answer, but now I'm oddly aware that his arm is around my shoulder and that might continue to give others the wrong idea... so I discretely move my chair a little farther away from Jason so that his arm can't be around me anymore.

Later that evening, we hit the dance floor for a little bit (I loved our dances to "Love Shack" and "How Do I Live?" the best that night) and enjoy a fun evening at the reception. We had a few funny moments that are still inside jokes between us. Finally, after we eat some cake, we say goodbye to the happy couple and head back to Jason's truck. He takes me to the medical school campus and shows me around. I see his desk, his locker, and his classrooms. We pray together there for him and his medical school career. Then we head back to his apartment.

Once inside, he makes us some snacks and we watch some of the baseball playoffs together. We end up snuggling in front of the TV and I fall asleep pretty quickly (baseball is about the same as watching paint dry, to me at least). I end up waking up because I'm cold and really have to go to the bathroom, but I realize Jason is asleep and his arm is around me. The clock says it is about 2:30 in the morning. I'm not sure what time Jason fell asleep, but the TV was still on (again, we are in his living room, don't get any wrong ideas that we were in his bed... ha) and Shakira is singing 'Underneath Your Clothes" on some late night talk show. I lay there, very still, not wanting to wake Jason up. Not sure how long it was, but finally, he woke up too. So,  in a very  20 year old fashion, I show my immaturity by acting like I'm asleep. I wanted to see what he would do or how he would try to wake me up. He stretches a little, looks at me, looks at the clock, and then pulls me closer to himself. I still act as if I'm sleep, but I won't lie, my heart was racing even more than usual. That's when he moves some of my hair and begins to kiss the side of my neck, my cheek, and then turns my head towards him (I'm "awake" by this point) and kisses me on the lips. I kiss him back.

Seriously, the first (and only) thought going through my head was, "I can't believe the Jason Dugger is kissing me." You see, I had been attracted to Jason from the first moment I had met him. I don't know if it is the fact he is older than me by several years or if it is because he is the most amazing man I've ever met, but I always assumed he was way out of my league. I still don't know how I managed to attract such an amazing man. He loves the Lord, he is intelligent, musically talented, althetically talented, funny, kind, and the list goes on and on... :). Okay, back to 2002, :), he kisses me for a little bit. It was great.

We don't kiss very long (boundaries), but after our kiss we just smile and Jason said he had been wanting to do that for a while. He confessed he wasn't sure how he was going to start a relationship with me while in his first year of medical school, but he was going to find some way to make it work because "friends don't kiss" - I loved his integrity in wanting to pursue me the right way... giving me the time and commitment he needed to in order to honor the kiss he had just given me. I told him that if God was calling me to be his girlfriend then He would help me be the girlfriend I needed to be to him despite the medical school thing. It didn't seem like a big deal to me, but that is one of the many things I love about Jason is he is very serious and takes commitments (both academically and relationally) very serious and wants to give his best. After our conversation we prayed together and then I went back to my house on cloud nine. There had been several dates over the last few months where I would leave his house and just pray that the Lord would bring us together because he was such an amazing man... so my drive home that night was one of my happiest conversations with the Lord. I felt like such a blessed woman to be Jason's girlfriend. And I was... and still am.

October 19th, 2011

It was a rainy and cold Wednesday. I woke up early for my Bible Study and Jason helps me get the children ready and to church. I go to my Bible Study where I learn from some amazing women and he spends some time in the Word while waiting on me. After church, Jason helps me load up the children and listens to me talk about what I learned on the drive home. We get home and he offers to make lunch while i play with the children. When lunch is ready I see it is the first meal he ever made for me back when we were dating: some peanut Thai recipe. (I remember he made it for me on December 22, 2002... he had started Christmas break and he wanted to do "our Christmas" that night and he had me come over and he had made this dinner. He had made me dinners before, but those were frozen meals... this was the first one he "actually made" for me. And we had a nice candle lit dinner that night). I remember not liking it back in 2002, but back then I didn't like different types of food, but now I love Thai food so I gobbled it up and loved how romantic his gesture was in the midst of taking care of three children. We spent some time together  during the children's nap times instead of doing chores and really just enjoyed each others company. Later that night, after our daughter's speech therapy, we had a babysitter come and we went on a date night. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then went to see the movie Courageous. It was great to be out and the movie was good. I was so thankful to be sitting next to "the" Jason Dugger.... now as his wife. We've been married for almost seven years, we've experienced trials and pains, we've experienced joys and laughter.... but last night as I watched the movie about being a courageous father... I knew I was married to one of the best fathers in the world.  -- I am so blessed to be married (and still dating!) Jason... he is amazing. He has my complete respect, my total trust, and all of my heart. I am also glad he still humors me in celebrating our "dating anniversary" - he's a great husband and God has blessed me so much by giving me him to lead our family. Nine years after our first kiss... my heart still races and I still often find myself thinking, "I can't believe "the" Jason Dugger is kissing me." So thankful...

Poop, Exhasution, Idols, Helplessness and Stinky Bottom!

Motherhood... I love it. I love having dance parties. I love giggling until I get the hiccups. I love reading stories. Saying prayers. Tucking in tight. Brushing teeth. Wiping Bottoms. Cleaning up spilled milk. Wiping away the tears because of the spilled milk. Correcting. Disciplining. Hugging. Kissing. Swinging. Kicking the ball. Playing pretend. Drawing. Singing.

But, while I'm having fun in this dream job... I'm learning some incredible and humbling lessons. A few weeks ago, we had six days where poop ended up outside the diapers in some form or another. On Monday Havana pooped while in her room for nap time. I kept hearing her awake and I thought it was weird she wasn't going to sleep. I left her in there for two hours (her normal nap time) expecting her to eventually fall asleep. She never did and when I walked in I realized that it was because she had pooped. I discovered this first by the smell that greeted me once I opened the door. Quickly followed by the brown that was everywhere. On her bed. On her stuffed animals. On her face. YIKES! Into the bath we went.

The next day I turn the corner to find Jonah playing elbow deep in the toilet. Into the bath he went. As I was bathing him Havana had another bowl movement, but I didn't discover it until I walked into MY (yes, my) bedroom and saw that she had taken her diaper off and it was all over my bedspread... my walls... my closet... Into the bath she went. As I am giving her a bath Jonah got into Selah's diaper champ and was taking out dirty diapers (and putting them in his mouth, just keeping it real here!) and was putting toys INTO it...  Back into the bath he went. Into the sink the toys went. Then I went in to clean up my room from the earlier diaper incident. I prayed, "Oh Lord, give me strength" And in that moment He whispered, "Show your children the grace I show you every day as I lovingly clean up the poop in your life." Wow. Talk about a game changer. I stress level went down and a smile  broke out across my face. I sang songs with the children as I wiped up all the poop in my room. My heart was overflowing as I realized this is what the Lord does in my own life every single day. Oh, how I need His grace!

Wednesday I figured there would be no poop because I had learned that amazing lesson on Tuesday. Lesson learned, Lord, no need for unscheduled baths! Nope. We were playing downstairs and I smelled a little something... I look and I notice it outside of Jonah's diaper. Blow out! Yikes... I quickly run him upstairs and was taking off his shirt. His blow out had reached his hair! Just as I get his shirt off he leans up against the wall. It's now everywhere. Into the bath he went.

I'll spare you the details of the next few days, but they follow the same pattern as the previous days. Each time I wiped poop off of something I kept thinking about the spiritual poop that was in my own life. Oh, how I loved thinking of the Lord wiping me clean each day as I was cleaning and sanitizing my house. The Scriptures tell us that "the Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion." How beautiful and what a timely lesson as I resolved to use each of those moments to show my children that the Lord is abounding in love. His grace is a beautiful thing... and while I do hope I showed my children a glimpse of the Lord's grace and love... I'm pretty sure that week was given to me as a gift for my own growth rather than just a teaching tool for my children.


The other day I was running low on energy. I was feeding Selah and I simply breathed a prayer asking God to get me through the day. In that moment I was reminded that the Lord "will not grow tired or weary." Wow! The Lord never sleeps. He doesn't need to. He doesn't grow tired. He doesn't count down the minutes until bedtime. He doesn't yawn. Imagine for a minute what that would be like? To be honest it is somewhat hard for me to grasp that, but that truth about God alone makes me worship Him as my Strong Tower. He is able to give me His strength to make it to the next moment when my body is so weary. What a great promise!

I told Jason that I think I discovered a new idol in my life. :( Nap time. All three of my children nap at the same time. I usually use that time for me. Sometimes that a nap, other times a bath, rarely I use that time to be productive (cleaning, cooking, etc). I enjoy those two-three hours of peace. The other day Jonah had taken a short nap in the car on the way home and so he didn't want to take an afternoon nap. I tried to put him down after the other two were down, but he was not going to have it. I knew it was risky knowing his car nap was most likely throwing him off. I made him fuss through it for over an hour (hoping that he would exhaust himself and finally fall asleep), but he didn't. I resigned the fight and went to get him up. I was grumpy and grumbling about how I didn't get "my time" and that's when it hit me. That is an idol in my life. I covet that few hours of silence to the point that my attitude goes sour if I don't get it. How selfish! How wrong! In the hallway I quietly repented and opened Jonah's door and joyfully rushed in to get him up. I am sure the next time nap time gets taken away from me I'll struggle with it, but I'm trying to put to death that idol in my life.

Last week Jonah was sick. The poor guy cried for three days... he didn't sleep, eat, or drink. It was rough and I couldn't do anything to help him feel better. Poor little guy. In those moments of looking at his little face I felt the Lord say, "that is you." He was right. There are things in my life that I am so helpless about all I can do is cry. I can't even formulate words. And I don't know about you, but often in those helpless times I fail to pray simply because I feel like I'm too helpless to pray. Well, I'm learning that being helpless is the foundation for true prayer. Just as Jonah was so helpless -- he didn't have any words to describe to me his pain - he just cried... I  knew what was wrong with him, I just held him and loved him through it. Well, God is the perfect parent. He loves Jonah more than I love Jonah. He loves me with that love too. So when I'm helpless it is a direct cry from my heart to God's heart. He knows what is wrong even if I don't have words to articulate it. He wants to hold me and love me through it. In watching Jonah deal with a nasty virus I learned that God wants to be invited into our helplessness. What a relief that was for me!

Poor Jonah's helpless face! 

Trust me when I say that not all of my lessons are so beautiful. Some are down right humbling. Like watching what comes out of my mouth. Havana started saying this phrase, "No, Baby, That's mine." (She calls Jonah "baby"). I was shocked at her selfish heart and tried to correct her several times that we don't say that phrase, but that we have a heart to share. Jason and I were talking about it and realized she must have learned this from the nursery at church. A day or two later Jason and I were working on something and Jason moved something of mine and I said, "No, baby, that's mine." Of course my tone was different than Havana's and by baby I was referring to my husband... but the wording was 100% the same. I didn't even noticed I said it. Jason, on the other hand, busted out laughing and then restated my concern of, "I have no idea where she learned that phrase." HAHA. Guess the nursery wasn't to blame. Then Havana's next phrase was "Stinky Bottom" -- okay, I knew I didn't say anything like this... so this phrase she must have picked up from the nursery. She said it for several days... anytime Jason or I bent over she would run up laughing and say, "Stinky Bottom" -- it got tot he point that it was disturbing. Where did she hear such words?! Then, one day Jonah had a nasty diaper and I picked him up and said, "Wow, you have a stinky bottom." That's right. Another winning comment that she learned from her mommy... not the nursery. Ouch.

Motherhood... I'm learning a lot. :)