Hey Everyone,
Well, I think the title pretty much sums things up for us. :) We are so excited that very soon we will be bringing home our first child!!! This has been such a long awaited event and we continue to pray for our baby as it develops, the birthmother of our child, and that everything goes smoothly and according to plan.
We met with Alicia (the birthmother) last Tuesday the 18th and we absolutely loved her!!!! We were told that those "match meetings" usually last about an hour, but we left after three. Alicia is such an incredible person and we got in the car and Jason said, "If I could handpick everything I want in a birthmother.... Alicia would be it." And I totally agreed. We have such a great respect and love for her now more than ever.
The baby's due date is May 31st, but the doctors think that Alicia might deliver early! So we're going to be ready to take in a baby at any time. We are putting the finishing touches on our nursery and my first baby shower is this Saturday (March 29th). The plan is for Alicia to call Bethany as soon as her water breaks and then they will call us and we'll head to the hospital where we plan to be in the room when our baby is delivered. We are so excited!!!
We look forward to sharing our blessing with you! Thanks for all your prayers and support in the meantime!
Love to all...
J&D
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have been matched!!!!!!! :) :) :)
A birthmother has chosen us to adopt her baby! She is due in May and we couldn't be more thrilled! The details of this event have the fingerprints of God all over them and it is evident that He wants us to be matched with this birthmother -- for which we are so grateful!
More details to follow....
A birthmother has chosen us to adopt her baby! She is due in May and we couldn't be more thrilled! The details of this event have the fingerprints of God all over them and it is evident that He wants us to be matched with this birthmother -- for which we are so grateful!
More details to follow....
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Lord is soooo good!!!
In our excitement for Baby Dugger's arrival we have been doing lots to prepare. As I mentioned in our last post... we bought a crib and all the extras, the quilt clips we ordered for our theme quilt arrived and they are beautiful (handmade and special ordered to match our room). We went to Babies R Us last week to buy our dresser/combo changing table, but they were out of stock. Hopefully it will arrive soon and we can continue to make our nursery complete. I've also been studying parenting books and writing down the things I want to do with our baby (feeding schedule, sleeping, etc. ... FYI, I'm reading lots of books, but we're primarily going with Baby Wise and Shepherding a Child's Heart -- Great books for us!!!)
I say all that because while we are getting excited and able to look towards the future with great joy. We are also in the process of "guarding our hearts." I asked Jason if he thought that we would have a baby by Mother's Day. See, we have have three Monther's Day where we thought "this will be our last year not to be parents" -- each year it became incredibly harder to bear. This past year, 2007, we went away for the weekend, lots of friends sent me cards in the mail telling me they were praying for me during that hard time and they reminded me that I was in face a spiritual mother to lots of people. That helped a lot. I remember that night in bed Jason firmly believed that by Mother's Day of 08 we would have a child...
However, when I brought it up the other day he shook his head and said he didn't know. He said that he was done predicting. At that time I agreed even though it did hurt my heart... I didn't mean to, but I started guarding my heart a little more to the point that I didn't pray boldly.
This was made evident to me during a retreat that I went on over the weekend. Pastor Gary was talking about how Prayerless lives lead to a Powerless ministry. The context of his talk was on praying intently, boldly, and often for the ministries and the church in which we serve. We then broke into prayer groups and Pastor Gary asked us to pray and not a wimpy prayer, but a bold and powerful prayer.
My group was Lise, Laura, and Michelle. The three ladies that I spent the night with before and stayed up talking with them until the wee hours of the morning. They are all great friends who I love dearly, Lise was the first to pray and boy did she bring me to my knees. She prayed for me and my health and then for us as we wait for a baby. She prayed BOLDLY that we would get a baby in 2008. She didn't hold back, she took the leap.
I was in tears and very humbled at that moment. I was convicted that I was not praying boldly for Baby Dugger. Yes, we were praying for the birthmother and Baby Dugger's development, and ourselves. But we weren't praying boldly. Asking in the name of Jesus without holding back. That has changed in my life now. I am boldly asking the Lord for a child... and for one soon. I am boldly praying for His will to come to be in my life and that I will do all that I can to glorify Him and show Christ to others. Oh, how I fall short daily, but BOLDLY I am trying harder and praying more passionately.
I just wanted to share some of these thoughts. I certainly have more (you know me... I have lots of words :) But I just wanted to share how Lise's prayer meant so much to me and how it challenged me to let go of the hesitations that I carry around in my prayers. We are asking and trusting in faith that 2008 will be the year that Baby Dugger will join our family.
Love to all!!!
I say all that because while we are getting excited and able to look towards the future with great joy. We are also in the process of "guarding our hearts." I asked Jason if he thought that we would have a baby by Mother's Day. See, we have have three Monther's Day where we thought "this will be our last year not to be parents" -- each year it became incredibly harder to bear. This past year, 2007, we went away for the weekend, lots of friends sent me cards in the mail telling me they were praying for me during that hard time and they reminded me that I was in face a spiritual mother to lots of people. That helped a lot. I remember that night in bed Jason firmly believed that by Mother's Day of 08 we would have a child...
However, when I brought it up the other day he shook his head and said he didn't know. He said that he was done predicting. At that time I agreed even though it did hurt my heart... I didn't mean to, but I started guarding my heart a little more to the point that I didn't pray boldly.
This was made evident to me during a retreat that I went on over the weekend. Pastor Gary was talking about how Prayerless lives lead to a Powerless ministry. The context of his talk was on praying intently, boldly, and often for the ministries and the church in which we serve. We then broke into prayer groups and Pastor Gary asked us to pray and not a wimpy prayer, but a bold and powerful prayer.
My group was Lise, Laura, and Michelle. The three ladies that I spent the night with before and stayed up talking with them until the wee hours of the morning. They are all great friends who I love dearly, Lise was the first to pray and boy did she bring me to my knees. She prayed for me and my health and then for us as we wait for a baby. She prayed BOLDLY that we would get a baby in 2008. She didn't hold back, she took the leap.
I was in tears and very humbled at that moment. I was convicted that I was not praying boldly for Baby Dugger. Yes, we were praying for the birthmother and Baby Dugger's development, and ourselves. But we weren't praying boldly. Asking in the name of Jesus without holding back. That has changed in my life now. I am boldly asking the Lord for a child... and for one soon. I am boldly praying for His will to come to be in my life and that I will do all that I can to glorify Him and show Christ to others. Oh, how I fall short daily, but BOLDLY I am trying harder and praying more passionately.
I just wanted to share some of these thoughts. I certainly have more (you know me... I have lots of words :) But I just wanted to share how Lise's prayer meant so much to me and how it challenged me to let go of the hesitations that I carry around in my prayers. We are asking and trusting in faith that 2008 will be the year that Baby Dugger will join our family.
Love to all!!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Be Careful What You Say...
We have heard from several other people who have dealt with infertility and/or a miscarriage that some people say ignorant things. We have TOTALLY found that to be true. Usually, they come from people with the biggest hearts who don't mean anything negative by the comments. So it is easy for Jason and I to brush them off, but at the same time I wish I used those opportunities to educate those people that what they said hurt. The didn't mean it in a harmful way... we know that... but how do we tell them that what they said isn't really appropriate? Here are some examples of things NOT to say to anyone going through infertility, miscarriage, and/or adoption:
"Just relax -- you'll get pregnant then." (I know tons of stressed out people who get pregnant and trust me there have been times when we've been relaxed - Nothing. It isn't that easy!)
"Once you adopt, then you'll get pregnant, that happens all the time" (actually it only happens in 2% of everyone who adopts. Plus, it can be interpreted as the adopted child is just a means of getting a biological child and that is not what we want. We want our adopted child because we want our adopted child. Not as a means to get pregnant.)
"Why do you want to adopt when you now know you can get pregnant?" (we get this a lot. And the truth is, it took us 2 years to get pregnant and that was with the help of drugs. That isn't something I want to go through again. BUT... THE MAIN REASON WE ARE ADOPTING IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT A LAST RESORT FOR US. We WANT to adopt. We feel called to adopt!)
"Don't you want a child of your own?" (yes, an adopted child will be our own child. Both our adopted children and our biological children, if we have them, will all be our own!)
"Darby's throwing up - she must be pregnant!" (we got this a few weeks ago when I had the stomach flu... please be careful what you say around us in regards to pregnancy.)
"(insert any complaint about being a parent here)" (we understand that being a parent is hard and at times frustrating... but you are still blessed to be parents. One of my friends from Louisville changed her tune after reading our blog and she realized that wishing for her life Before Children was hurtful to people like me. Thanks, Tara!)
"Maybe God is waiting to give you a child when you are through this depression so you'll be a better mother" - (um, okay, this is hurtful. If God is waiting for me to get my act together - we'll never be parents, no one would. We're doing the best we can and I feel that God is in no way keeping a child from our home. He's just preparing the right child for us.)
"You've only been on the waiting list a few months, that's not long at all" - (sometimes days feel like months around here. And we've been waiting for a child going on three years now... not for just a few months.)
"We're pregnant! We're in our 2nd trimester. We don't tell anyone until then because you know, stuff happens." (Yes, we are quite aware that the death of a child can occur in the first trimester. We've experienced that! It is not just stuff that happens, but a death, and yes, we're very aware. Please take that into consideration when you tell us your news!)
These are just a few of the comments that we've received that are ignorant. Most all of them came from good friends just trying to encourage us. So, we don't take them as insults, but I wanted to educate some of you on things to say and not to say - just for future reference. These are just a few, if you are interested in more let me know and I'll tell you personally. Also, if you are pregnant, I know we appreciate it when you tell us privately before we hear it through the grape vine. We do get excited for people who are pregnant and we love to pray for the health of your baby, but please be sensitive to other's situations.
"Just relax -- you'll get pregnant then." (I know tons of stressed out people who get pregnant and trust me there have been times when we've been relaxed - Nothing. It isn't that easy!)
"Once you adopt, then you'll get pregnant, that happens all the time" (actually it only happens in 2% of everyone who adopts. Plus, it can be interpreted as the adopted child is just a means of getting a biological child and that is not what we want. We want our adopted child because we want our adopted child. Not as a means to get pregnant.)
"Why do you want to adopt when you now know you can get pregnant?" (we get this a lot. And the truth is, it took us 2 years to get pregnant and that was with the help of drugs. That isn't something I want to go through again. BUT... THE MAIN REASON WE ARE ADOPTING IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT A LAST RESORT FOR US. We WANT to adopt. We feel called to adopt!)
"Don't you want a child of your own?" (yes, an adopted child will be our own child. Both our adopted children and our biological children, if we have them, will all be our own!)
"Darby's throwing up - she must be pregnant!" (we got this a few weeks ago when I had the stomach flu... please be careful what you say around us in regards to pregnancy.)
"(insert any complaint about being a parent here)" (we understand that being a parent is hard and at times frustrating... but you are still blessed to be parents. One of my friends from Louisville changed her tune after reading our blog and she realized that wishing for her life Before Children was hurtful to people like me. Thanks, Tara!)
"Maybe God is waiting to give you a child when you are through this depression so you'll be a better mother" - (um, okay, this is hurtful. If God is waiting for me to get my act together - we'll never be parents, no one would. We're doing the best we can and I feel that God is in no way keeping a child from our home. He's just preparing the right child for us.)
"You've only been on the waiting list a few months, that's not long at all" - (sometimes days feel like months around here. And we've been waiting for a child going on three years now... not for just a few months.)
"We're pregnant! We're in our 2nd trimester. We don't tell anyone until then because you know, stuff happens." (Yes, we are quite aware that the death of a child can occur in the first trimester. We've experienced that! It is not just stuff that happens, but a death, and yes, we're very aware. Please take that into consideration when you tell us your news!)
These are just a few of the comments that we've received that are ignorant. Most all of them came from good friends just trying to encourage us. So, we don't take them as insults, but I wanted to educate some of you on things to say and not to say - just for future reference. These are just a few, if you are interested in more let me know and I'll tell you personally. Also, if you are pregnant, I know we appreciate it when you tell us privately before we hear it through the grape vine. We do get excited for people who are pregnant and we love to pray for the health of your baby, but please be sensitive to other's situations.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
From the Heart of Darby...
t is almost 5:30 in the morning and I can't get back to sleep after having Tucker wake us up because he needed to go outside. While it was Jason who got up, dressed, and took him outside... I sat awake and realized that I had a lot of thoughts regarding adoption and my depression and hopefully if I blog them, I can get another few hours of sleep. :)So, please bare with me as I pour out my heart -- just as it is.
UPDATE ON DEPRESSION:
In early January I started to see someone else other than my OB to help regulate my anti-depressants and help me deal with my emotions. On the first visit I learned that the dosage of my Zoloft was not even at a therapeutic level. That could very much explain why my depression was still so deep. So, I tripled my dosage. About three weeks later - while I was driving to church on Tuesday morning - I had my first positive thought! Unless you have been through depression I am not sure if you will understand how wonderful a positive thought is. It just came to me and I realized that we were going to be parents someday without the bitter taste in my mouth of all that we've been through to get there.
Since then, I have been climbing uphill!!! I am still on Zoloft, but just last night I told Jason that I would like to stay on them another month, but then I want to try to wing myself off of them. That is huge for me!!!! God is truly walking down this road with me, and I can honestly say that Jason and I are closer and the Lord and I are closer because of this depression. So for that, I am grateful. Am I out of the woods? By no means... but I'm stating to treasure this journey rather than despise it.
I do have a lot of thoughts regarding depression and how the Church and Christians sometimes handle it... but I'll save all my rantings for another post. :) I do think depression is real and I do NOT think that it means a person is not close enough to Christ if they are going through it. And if I don't stop typing about that now.... I'll continue forever. ...
UPDATE ON ADOPTION:
All I have to say is that Jason and I are so excited for the arrival of our baby! We don't know anything about our baby, but we are already in love with it and pray for it and it's birthmother daily. No, we have not heard anything from the adoption agency regarding a birthmother who is interested in us. And while we both thought that we would have least heard something by now... we are trusting that the Lord is answering our prayers through this silence.
See, since the very beginning of this adoption process we have prayed that the only person who is interested in us - will in fact be the birthmother of our child. The adoption agency has talked to us in great detail about "failed matched" and "failed Placements" -- and usually every couple who is adopting will experience one of these losses. A failed match is where a birthmother chooses us, but then before she gives birth she changes her mind. A failed placement is when the birthmother gives birth to the baby (with us possibly there at the hospital) and then chooses not to sign the adoption papers. This has happened to a couple we know - they named the baby and everything - only to not be able to parent that child.
Those are scary realizations that we have been "praying against" since the beginning. We were preparing ourselves to "take a hit," but that was before our miscarriage. Now, I feel like we've taken that hit. We've lost a baby... so we are praying with intensity that our profile is only attractive to the One who will in fact be the birthmother of Baby Dugger. We are trusting that is why we haven't heard anything about a mother being interested in us... the Lord is sparing us from that pain of a failed match or placement. We have to have that faith. Please pray that for us as well.
Emotionally, we are getting very excited about bringing home a baby someday. In fact, we bought a crib, mattress, and all the bedding (mattress pad, sheet, blanket, dust ruffle, burp cloths, etc. We set it up in the nursery -- I washed everything and the crib is all made up (complete with a toy!). It looks so good. My brother and sister-in-law bought us a quilt that is beautiful and we bought quilt clips to hang that over the crib with. I'll hopefully post a photo soon! And, one of my dear friends up here in Indianapolis is going to throw me a baby shower at the end of March! I get so excited and I have such hope for our future. The adoption agency talks about how important it is for adoptive couples to go through an "expectant" period. And I know we are in that now! I also feel that I'm in the "nesting" phase as I've been throwing a lot of stuff out. The other day Jason said he was scared to go to work because he wasn't sure what would be gone when he got back. :) He also warned Tucker to stay away from me because he too might get tossed. ;) This is a fun time for us.
I still think about Elijah on a daily basis. I also think about what I would like like if I was still pregnant with him. I'm pretty sure that April 17th (his due date) will be a hard for us. I made a keepsake box for him and he'll always have a special place in our hearts. He will be our first child and I can't wait to meet him in heaven. I still tear up at least once a week, but I think that is healthy. I also still have a hard time around pregnant women, but I'm working through that on a daily basis (I have no choice, they are all around me!) But none of these emotions detract from our excitement, joy, and hope about the coming Baby Dugger.
Love to all!!!
UPDATE ON DEPRESSION:
In early January I started to see someone else other than my OB to help regulate my anti-depressants and help me deal with my emotions. On the first visit I learned that the dosage of my Zoloft was not even at a therapeutic level. That could very much explain why my depression was still so deep. So, I tripled my dosage. About three weeks later - while I was driving to church on Tuesday morning - I had my first positive thought! Unless you have been through depression I am not sure if you will understand how wonderful a positive thought is. It just came to me and I realized that we were going to be parents someday without the bitter taste in my mouth of all that we've been through to get there.
Since then, I have been climbing uphill!!! I am still on Zoloft, but just last night I told Jason that I would like to stay on them another month, but then I want to try to wing myself off of them. That is huge for me!!!! God is truly walking down this road with me, and I can honestly say that Jason and I are closer and the Lord and I are closer because of this depression. So for that, I am grateful. Am I out of the woods? By no means... but I'm stating to treasure this journey rather than despise it.
I do have a lot of thoughts regarding depression and how the Church and Christians sometimes handle it... but I'll save all my rantings for another post. :) I do think depression is real and I do NOT think that it means a person is not close enough to Christ if they are going through it. And if I don't stop typing about that now.... I'll continue forever. ...
UPDATE ON ADOPTION:
All I have to say is that Jason and I are so excited for the arrival of our baby! We don't know anything about our baby, but we are already in love with it and pray for it and it's birthmother daily. No, we have not heard anything from the adoption agency regarding a birthmother who is interested in us. And while we both thought that we would have least heard something by now... we are trusting that the Lord is answering our prayers through this silence.
See, since the very beginning of this adoption process we have prayed that the only person who is interested in us - will in fact be the birthmother of our child. The adoption agency has talked to us in great detail about "failed matched" and "failed Placements" -- and usually every couple who is adopting will experience one of these losses. A failed match is where a birthmother chooses us, but then before she gives birth she changes her mind. A failed placement is when the birthmother gives birth to the baby (with us possibly there at the hospital) and then chooses not to sign the adoption papers. This has happened to a couple we know - they named the baby and everything - only to not be able to parent that child.
Those are scary realizations that we have been "praying against" since the beginning. We were preparing ourselves to "take a hit," but that was before our miscarriage. Now, I feel like we've taken that hit. We've lost a baby... so we are praying with intensity that our profile is only attractive to the One who will in fact be the birthmother of Baby Dugger. We are trusting that is why we haven't heard anything about a mother being interested in us... the Lord is sparing us from that pain of a failed match or placement. We have to have that faith. Please pray that for us as well.
Emotionally, we are getting very excited about bringing home a baby someday. In fact, we bought a crib, mattress, and all the bedding (mattress pad, sheet, blanket, dust ruffle, burp cloths, etc. We set it up in the nursery -- I washed everything and the crib is all made up (complete with a toy!). It looks so good. My brother and sister-in-law bought us a quilt that is beautiful and we bought quilt clips to hang that over the crib with. I'll hopefully post a photo soon! And, one of my dear friends up here in Indianapolis is going to throw me a baby shower at the end of March! I get so excited and I have such hope for our future. The adoption agency talks about how important it is for adoptive couples to go through an "expectant" period. And I know we are in that now! I also feel that I'm in the "nesting" phase as I've been throwing a lot of stuff out. The other day Jason said he was scared to go to work because he wasn't sure what would be gone when he got back. :) He also warned Tucker to stay away from me because he too might get tossed. ;) This is a fun time for us.
I still think about Elijah on a daily basis. I also think about what I would like like if I was still pregnant with him. I'm pretty sure that April 17th (his due date) will be a hard for us. I made a keepsake box for him and he'll always have a special place in our hearts. He will be our first child and I can't wait to meet him in heaven. I still tear up at least once a week, but I think that is healthy. I also still have a hard time around pregnant women, but I'm working through that on a daily basis (I have no choice, they are all around me!) But none of these emotions detract from our excitement, joy, and hope about the coming Baby Dugger.
Love to all!!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Catching Up!!!
We hope and pray that everyone had a nice Christmas day yesterday. Ours was nice, but also had a few moments of tears as we grieved the childless house that we are living in.
Sorry it has taken a while to update the blog. I (Darby) have not had the emotional energy to type anything out or help Jason as he typed up an update. I know we talk to many of you on a regular basis, but I have still felt bad about not keeping the blog updated on what is going on in our journey to parenthood. Here's a quick re-cap of the happenings since my last post:
October 21st - We had a funeral for Elijah. God blessed us with an incredibly beautiful fall day for our ceremony. Elijah is now buried in the "Little Lambs" section of Washington East Cemetery here in Indianapolis. To view a few photos from that day please check out: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2087733&l=e02dd&id=38303971
October 22nd - I had a follow up appointment with my doctor after my D&C. After talking in detail with her about where I was emotionally and physically with the miscarriage she recommended that I go on anti-depressants and she wrote me a script for them which we had filled immediately. After the appointment we drove (with Tucker) to Virgina for a vacation week at the Cabin (thanks, Noel and Brenda). We had a wonderful week spending time with each other and with the Lord in the beautiful countryside of VA. Kevin, Gladys, and Isabel also joined us for our last full day our there. It was such a good (and needed!) week for us. You can view highlights of that trip at: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2088945&l=a7104&id=38303971
We arrived back to Indianapolis on the 30th of October and immediately got in touch with Bethany Christian Services about continuing with the adoption. After a D&C women are encouraged to prevent pregnancy for a time and my doctor encouraged us to prevent at least until January. After much prayer Jason and I have decided that we will only pursue adoption and not continue to try to get pregnant when January comes. We were officially put back on the adoption waiting list on November 5th.
Now we are waiting on a phone call. The phone call could be a request from a birthmother who is interested in meeting us. Or we might get a call that a baby has been born already for us to adopt. So, technically, we could get a call any day that our first baby has been born! That is an exciting thought, but at the same time something that is hard to be patient for. We continue to pray daily for our child and that only one birthmother would be interested in us (the one who will in fact deliver Baby Dugger). We are praying against a false placement or a false match. Hebrews 11:1 is very dear to us right now, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -- how we struggle seeing God's plan in this infertility journey, but we TRUST even when things aren't spelled out. Praise God!
How are we doing?! -- That answer is somewhat complicated. Infertility and the loss of Elijah have certainly taken their toll on me and on our marriage. It has not been easy or in the least bit fun, but at the same time, we know that God is good. He has been our great Comforter and while our pain is not healed we know that in the long run things will work out. Jason continues to be so incredibly patient and loving towards me as I am struggling with deep depression. He doesn't push me and while I know he misses the "Old Darby" - I know he loves the "Depressed Darby" just as much. He's incredible.
I am still on the anti-depressants. There are days when I feel 80% back to my old self, but most of the time I'm struggling to even remember the old, carefree Darby. I am thankful for all of you who have put up with me and the friends who have really stepped up the plate during this difficult time. I appreciate all your cards, visits, calls, and prayers.
God has certainly made both of us fall more in love with the idea of adoption. We thought we were excited about it back in August, but compared to how we feel about it now it doesn't even compare. Our hearts beat for adoption. We pray daily for our Baby Dugger and Baby Dugger's birthmother. We pray that God continues to use us and our situations as He sees fit and to bring glory to His name. We aren't sure of His timing, but hopefully we won't have to wait too much longer to welcome home our baby. Please continue to pray for us and Baby Dugger!!! We'll keep you updated!
Love to Everyone!!!!
Sorry it has taken a while to update the blog. I (Darby) have not had the emotional energy to type anything out or help Jason as he typed up an update. I know we talk to many of you on a regular basis, but I have still felt bad about not keeping the blog updated on what is going on in our journey to parenthood. Here's a quick re-cap of the happenings since my last post:
October 21st - We had a funeral for Elijah. God blessed us with an incredibly beautiful fall day for our ceremony. Elijah is now buried in the "Little Lambs" section of Washington East Cemetery here in Indianapolis. To view a few photos from that day please check out: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2087733&l=e02dd&id=38303971
October 22nd - I had a follow up appointment with my doctor after my D&C. After talking in detail with her about where I was emotionally and physically with the miscarriage she recommended that I go on anti-depressants and she wrote me a script for them which we had filled immediately. After the appointment we drove (with Tucker) to Virgina for a vacation week at the Cabin (thanks, Noel and Brenda). We had a wonderful week spending time with each other and with the Lord in the beautiful countryside of VA. Kevin, Gladys, and Isabel also joined us for our last full day our there. It was such a good (and needed!) week for us. You can view highlights of that trip at: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2088945&l=a7104&id=38303971
We arrived back to Indianapolis on the 30th of October and immediately got in touch with Bethany Christian Services about continuing with the adoption. After a D&C women are encouraged to prevent pregnancy for a time and my doctor encouraged us to prevent at least until January. After much prayer Jason and I have decided that we will only pursue adoption and not continue to try to get pregnant when January comes. We were officially put back on the adoption waiting list on November 5th.
Now we are waiting on a phone call. The phone call could be a request from a birthmother who is interested in meeting us. Or we might get a call that a baby has been born already for us to adopt. So, technically, we could get a call any day that our first baby has been born! That is an exciting thought, but at the same time something that is hard to be patient for. We continue to pray daily for our child and that only one birthmother would be interested in us (the one who will in fact deliver Baby Dugger). We are praying against a false placement or a false match. Hebrews 11:1 is very dear to us right now, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -- how we struggle seeing God's plan in this infertility journey, but we TRUST even when things aren't spelled out. Praise God!
How are we doing?! -- That answer is somewhat complicated. Infertility and the loss of Elijah have certainly taken their toll on me and on our marriage. It has not been easy or in the least bit fun, but at the same time, we know that God is good. He has been our great Comforter and while our pain is not healed we know that in the long run things will work out. Jason continues to be so incredibly patient and loving towards me as I am struggling with deep depression. He doesn't push me and while I know he misses the "Old Darby" - I know he loves the "Depressed Darby" just as much. He's incredible.
I am still on the anti-depressants. There are days when I feel 80% back to my old self, but most of the time I'm struggling to even remember the old, carefree Darby. I am thankful for all of you who have put up with me and the friends who have really stepped up the plate during this difficult time. I appreciate all your cards, visits, calls, and prayers.
God has certainly made both of us fall more in love with the idea of adoption. We thought we were excited about it back in August, but compared to how we feel about it now it doesn't even compare. Our hearts beat for adoption. We pray daily for our Baby Dugger and Baby Dugger's birthmother. We pray that God continues to use us and our situations as He sees fit and to bring glory to His name. We aren't sure of His timing, but hopefully we won't have to wait too much longer to welcome home our baby. Please continue to pray for us and Baby Dugger!!! We'll keep you updated!
Love to Everyone!!!!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Elijah
We received this statue from a dear, dear friend. I opened it up when I was alone and I just started crying - with joy. My son is in heaven. What a beautiful and tangible reminder. Just wanted to share this with you.
.jpg)
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)