Havana is 9 Months Old... and other stuff!!!!

Those are some of my favorite photos from the past month!!!! It has been a fun month as Havana loves playing! She is so much fun and we spend our days playing with her toys, singing songs (she has a very high pitched voice), dancing, playing with friends, some days swimming or the zoo, reading, snuggling, and just enjoying time together. Jason has given me the greatest gift by allowing me to be a stay at home mom!!!! While there are some days that I think I could do an outside job so much better than I do the whole mommy thing - I really wouldn't trade it for the world. It is a 24/7 job with no breaks, no days off, and it is the best!!!!

At her 9 month appointment a few weeks ago Havana was 29 3/4 inches long (97%) and 18 pounds, 9 ounces (50%). She has been rolling around for a long time, but just today (August 3rd) she started crawling!!!! She can also pull herself up into a stand and has been known to take a few shaky steps from time to time. She is still a very good sleeper and sleeps about 10-12 hours at night and during the day takes 2, 2 hour naps. There are some days when she doesn't think she needs to sleep for the entire 2 hours - but we don't go in and get her until the two hours is up and on those days it is fun to watch her (in the video monitor) play with her toys and books that are in her crib. She has such an imagination already!

Everyone (including Jason) is saying they are starting to see more of me in her appearance! I'm happy to hear that! :) Her personality is developing and she certainly takes after me in that regard! She is outgoing, funny, loves being the center of attention, dramatic, and a chatter box! :) She is also very stubborn and SASSY!!!!! Yep, just like her mama! Sometimes I just wonder what God has in store for her life. What is He going to use her personality to accomplish?! The possibilities are endless, but we pray daily for her to love the Lord with her whole heart and for protection from the Evil One. I can't wait to see how He uses her!

Jason and I feel so blessed to finally be a mommy and daddy. We've never been happier and we've never been closer. It warms my heart to see Jason interact with his daughter and just today he told me how glad he was that I am the mommy to his children! It certainly has deepened our relationship and we do feel very blessed to have Havana. However, as I mentioned last month, our struggle with infertility continues and this past month has proven to be another bump in the road.

We've been using ovulation predictor kits in hopes of them helping us conceive! Last month we saw an "LH Surge" and we were very thrilled. We were so happy to see that you would have thought we had gotten a positive pregnancy test. After seeing that, I contacted a few close friends and asked them to be praying for us over the next few days - that a baby would be conceived. It didn't take too long - about a week or so - after I ovulated for me to start "feeling" pregnant - tired, headache, etc. I was so excited and even told Jason that I thought it was a boy! I was incredibly happy thinking that for once things were going to easy for us and that I would be normal!

My whole life I had wanted my first two children back to back... super close together. When we found out about the adoption and the pregnancy last March I remember thinking that this was God's way of making that come true! 2 children, 6 months apart... I was on could 9 and had such joy at the thought of it. Double the blessing after waiting for so long. Sadly, as you know, that wasn't the way it happened. I am still devastated over the loss of our precious adopted daughter, but thought perhaps we would have two biological children close together. Jason and I talked about trying for our 2nd baby in hopes to conceive quickly and then adopting our third as if we went the adoption route for our 2nd baby we would take a while (we would have to wait until Havana is a year to even get on the waiting list, then wait to get picked, and then wait for the baby to be born and see if the birthmother goes through with it) and we didn't want that much space between our first children. We kept thinking that if we had 2 then we would be so busy that waiting for our third child wouldn't seem as long and painful as it does now. So... as we've stated before, we've been trying to conceiving since Havana was 6 weeks old. I was hoping it would happen by the time she was 6 months or at least 9 months. 9 months to me would be the last "okay" month as that would put our children 18 months apart which would still be close together. I could picture it, it seemed perfect... so, seeing the LH surge last month made me think perhaps things would be just as we planned them and perhaps the Lord was going to truly grant us the desires of our heart.

However, as always, things just can't be easy for us... I began bleeding on the 24th of July... which was the same day as Havana's 9 month appointment. Sorry if this is too personal or too much information, but I am just expressing my heart... you see, we believe that bleeding was actually an early miscarriage. It was not at the "normal time", it was VERY Painful, VERY heavy, VERY clotted, and along with it all, I felt a horrible sense of loss that I can't put into words but felt after our other losses. We will never know for sure, this side of heaven, if it truly was a miscarriage or not, but I believe in my heart it was. Those events have really brought everything back in such real ways... the pain and frustration of infertility, the sadness of all the losses, the inadequacy I feel as a woman feeling as if I can't do my job, I can give Jason the family he wants, etc. etc. The past two weeks have been very heart breaking as I feel like my vision and dream for my family and having two children close together is slipping through my fingers and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it or put it back together. I'm completely out of control, completely helpless, completely heart broken!

What do we have to do to be normal? To be like most couples who can get pregnant easily or without even trying?! Why does our story have to be filled with bumps and heart aches?! We were talking about this last night before bed because Jason brought up our adopted daughter and the still very real pain of her loss... he ended up saying at some point during the conversation, "I guess God has a different vision for our family than we do." And with that I cried... why?! I've been praying for God to give me the same vision and desire He has for our family... why are they still so different?

The night the bleeding started, I told Jason that I was going to ask God when we get to heaven WHY?! Why did other people not struggle with this and we did?! Jason spoke truth into my life by reminding me of how God answers Job's questions: "Where you there when I formed the foundations of the earth?!" A few days later, we visited Southeast Christian Church, where the minister spoke about that very same passage. God's been pursuing me in that regard ever since and last week I spent about 3 days reading the book of Jonah... yes, that short book has spoken volumes to me. I could relate to Jonah who does not like or agree with the way God is handling things. While I don't think God is choosing to give us infertility (just a result of living in a fallen world) - He is allowing us to go through this. I'm don't really struggle with "why us" but I do struggle with "why them?" -- why are other people allowed to get pregnant so easily... I get frustrated with that more than I do with the fact we can't. Jason says that we can't play the comparison game with other couples, and he is right, but it is so hard not to! But, we're working through all of these emotions and struggles and are choosing to love and trust the Lord no matter what! It is just a process and some days I do a lot better with it than others. Please continue to pray for us and for our family.

In other (and lighter) news, Jason started his real job on July 4th and he has truly enjoyed it. His new schedule is AMAZING!!! I think I have seen him more this past month than I have our entire relationship!!! He is working, on average, 12 days out of the month (8-9 hours days) and in the month of July had 19 days off! Certainly not what we are used to, but we are loving it! The time together is sweet and we've been able to knock down our "to do" list with great aggression! We certainly feel blessed for Jason to have the job at the hospital he does because I doubt many people have such an ideal schedule!

As always, thanks for reading and caring! We continue to feel blessed by everyone's support.

8 months

Hi Friends!

I know, I'm horrible at updating the blog! I do hope to get better and my goal is a new blurb (or at least a photo) once a month, but that has been my goal all along and you can see how well that is working out! :)

Havana is now 8 months old -- wow! Where does the time go? It really does feel like just yesterday that she was born and now she's 8 months old... it makes me realize that the next 4 months will fly by and soon Havana will be one! One... I am doing my best to cherish every stage and I really feel like I've done a good job with that. I remember when she was a newborn and getting up in the middle of the night to feed her I kept cherishing those moments -- I used them as prayer time, but also I just knew they wouldn't last long. I'm trying to keep that mentality with everything - to cherish it, even if it is hard or challenging, because it will soon be over.

Havana is a mover... she rolling (not yet crawling, but close) all over the place and we are quickly learning how our house is not baby proofed as we once thought! Ha. A few weeks ago, in the matter of 30 minutes, she rolled over and pulled down my scrapbooks... then I was changing her diaper and found paper in her mouth (where she got it, I still don't know)... and then i put her back down and went to wash my hands... i came back and she had rolled across the room and was putting Tucker's peanut butter kong in her mouth! Whew! I laughed so hard! We are having so much fun - we go to the zoo at least once a week, the Children's museum often, and our new favorite summer activity -- SWIMMING. She is such a little fish and is so happy in the water. We have spent over three hours straight one time just swimming and splashing. When we are at home, she loves playing with Tucker and her toys... we make up dances and sing songs all day. I am having a BLAST being a mommy... actually that is an understatement... I have no words to describe my delight with my role as mommy! I knew I wanted to be a mom but I didn't know how much I would just relish in my role. I never knew how much fun doing the honkey pokey really is! I am so blessed and God is entrusting us with a very special girl. I do feel as if she is going to have such a heart for the Lord. Now that we are eating, we say prayers before each meal... and we have "family devotions" every night which include a Bible story and prayers, but more than that, I've made her "changing table time" talking time... where I talk to her about God. The other day we talked about how she is an ambassador for Christ to everyone she knows from her siblings, to her grandparents, to her classmates... the next day, we talked about how God made her body special and for a purpose. I am really challenged to make those conversations special and to actually plan out what we are going to talk about and what truths I want her to learn.

Jason is enjoying fatherhood! In fact, I've never seen a father like him before. He is so involved in Havana's life - he knows her likes and dislikes, her schedule, her cries, and even the words to her favorite songs. He is very invested in her life and I am so proud of the father he is. He challenges me to be a better mommy each and every day and he's never slow to help me out. I love that i can leave him with her and not have to tell him what and when she needs to eat or sleep -- he knows. I have such a peace when I leave. It is very evident that Havana loves her daddy as she lights up every time he walks into the room. Those two are very close and I pray daily it will always stay that way.

In other news, we do want a second baby soon! We've been wanting one since Havana was about 5 minutes old! :) We have been very open to getting pregnant... well, forever. We will never be a couple that prevents pregnancy. For me, and a little for Jason too, the feelings connected with infertility quickly have come back. We've been trying for over 6 months with no luck and while I do appreciate the gift of Havana and I'm not taking away from the joy we have in her... I do get sad and frustrated that we've not been able to get pregnant yet. We will adopt a few children into our family no matter what and so we are looking into re-opening our adoption file (we can't, by law, until Havana is one years old) so we are just going to keep trying and seeing if we get pregnant before that or if we will choose to adopt next. Either way, I am already praying for our next baby.

I am starting to realize that our infertility journey is never really going to be over. We are always going to feel as if part of our family is missing, because it is... we have a baby in heaven waiting for us and a daughter out in the foster care system somewhere that we love and pray for daily. We are also never going to forget the pain we went through before Havana arrived and the frustration that continues as we desire to have a big family (5, 6, 7 kids... whatever the Lord allows) and while we know all our children won't be biological (and we WANT it that way... we still really WANT to adopt) we would like to think it would be "easy" to get pregnant and we know it is not. It seems so unnatural to me that getting pregnant is this hard and Satan often whispers that I'm not doing my duty as a woman... but I am also learning (and relearning) that I'm okay with our journey.

Do I like it? NO! Do I accept it? YES... what choice do I have... but on top of that... this is the road the Lord has led us on. Did He cause it? NO, but He has a plan! He knows our desires to have a big family and He wants to bless us, but He wants us to trust Him. I liken it to a caravan! If I'm following someone in my car and they know where they are going and I don't... I watch that car and try to stay right behind it. If I loose sight of it or something obstructs my view of that car - I do what I can to quickly find it and get behind it again so that I can reach the proper destination. Jesus is driving that car - He knows where He wants to take it. I'm trying to follow closely and while yes, I do loose sight of it, I'm getting better about looking for the car and being OKAY with following instead of trying to drive the lead car. I don't know what the rest of my life looks like, but He does. I often forget that He knows... He knows each of my children and what their names are (even though I don't even know that yet) and when they will be born. He knows what each day of my life looks like! Wow! When you hear that and let that sink in... how can you NOT fall to the ground and worship Him?! How can you not blindly follow and trust HIM?! Nothing else, no other religion, no man made plans... nothing... no nothing, can know our future, nothing can lead us on the path that we should go... nothing can compete for our worship! There is a verse in Proverbs (sorry don't know the exact reference) that says that in his head a man plans his way, but it is the Lord that directs his steps (or something like that) and I PRAY that my spirit can yield to what the Lord wants to do and the steps He wants me to take... despite the pain i might feel along the way. Everything will be worth it as it draws me closer to Him and just because I know I'm following the One True God - not matter what comes, that is my hope.

Well, I certainly didn't meant to type all that, but just wanted to share a bit of where we are! Thanks for all your prayers for our family. Please continue to pray for us and for Havana to be healthy and safe from all the evils of the world! :)

We love you all and we love Our Lord!

PS... Jason also is now out of residency and starts his job in Columbus, Indiana on July 4th! I'm so proud of him and all his hard work and success! He's truly my hero and is a wonderful ER doctor! :)

5 month update...

Hey Everyone,

As I write this, I wonder if anyone still checks this blog since I have not updated it in quite a long time!!!! Oh well, thank you faithful followers! :) Havana is 5 months old now and is so much fun! She is getting so big, so quickly that I often times wonder where the time has gone. This past week was full of a lot of "firsts" - - her first time to ride in a stroller without her car seat, the firs time to take a bath in a "big girl tub", her first trip to the zoo, her first rolling over, and her first solid food! Whew, that is a lot of changes!! :)

Havana is a little chatter box and talks all day long (gee, I wonder where she gets that). She's a very smart little girl and it is so much fun to watch her put things together. She loves to giggle and to get (and give) kisses. Now that spring weather is getting closer we've been taking family walks almost daily and also the trip to the zoo. She loves being outside and looking at things... at the zoo, the giraffes made her laugh!

Jason and I are enjoying parenthood very much! Jason is such an incredible daddy. He loves her so much... the other day I woke up at 6:45am and Jason wasn't in bed and I noticed the nursery door opened... so I sneak in and look and Jason is changing little H's diaper. I guess he had heard her and went to check on her before I woke up. Anyway, as he picked her back up I saw him give her kisses and whisper "Daddy loves you, Little girl" and then he wrapped her back up and rocked her to sleep -- allowing me to get another hour or two of sleep time! It warms my heart so much to watch them together. She loves being her daddy's girl, that is for sure.

She also is in love with Tucker!!! Her new favorite thing to do is pet him and pull his ears. I think she thinks he is a big stuffed animal. She always smiles and reaches for him whenever she sees him. I love seeing that too as Tucker is still very much a spoiled baby in our house! Whoever says that your feelings for your pets decreases when you have a baby must never have had a Tucker!!! :) I still lovingly refer to him as our "first born" and together he and Havana are "our Children" - :).

A few weekends ago we were able to dedicate Havana at church. This is just where Jason and I promise to raise her in a Christian home, teach her to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, promise to pray for her daily, and also promise not to ever get a divorce. It was awesome and such a special day for us. I love my little family very much.

I won't lie, I still think about our adopted daughter daily... wondering what she is doing and praying that she will come to know Jesus as well. I will always love her as much as I love Havana and Elijah. I miss Elijah too and often think about being able to be with him in heaven. I love being a mommy and am in a really good place right now, but as I've said several times - Havana doesn't make me forget the pain we have gone through to get her.

In all honesty, I'm scared that adding children to our family will be hard. We've been trying to get pregnant again since December with no luck. I know Havana is young, but in our defense, when we knew we were going to have Havana we also thought we would be adopting a baby and for a long time we pictured our family with children 6 months apart. We loved that picture -- and we would still love to have two children close together - as back to back as possible. We still plan on adopting at least 2-3 children into our family, but we wouldn't be able to even go on the waiting list until November of 2009 and then who knows how long it will take to get chosen... so in my selfish/impatient way, I guess I dreamed of getting pregnant right away and then adopting our third and forth kiddos... however, I have learned all too well that i am not in charge of my fertility and that I can make all the plans in my head that I want, but that doesn't mean they will come to be. We are praying daily for God to show us what the next step for adding to our family will be, and until He makes it clear -- I'm content being Havana's mommy! She makes parenting a breeze!

Well, I'll pick a photo or two to add from her dedication, zoo trip, and her first feeding! Thanks everyone for your love and support. We love you all!

Merry Christmas!

Dear Loved Ones,

Merry Christmas!!!! We sincerely hope and pray that your Christmas this year was not only a special time with family, but a time to truly remember Christ's birth and the reason He was born -- which was to die for our sins and offer us Salvation! Praise God!!!! How we love each of you so much. This Christmas has truly been such a special day for the three of us! Havana has such a wonderful first Christmas and for us, just looking at the little girl in our arms is the best gift we could have received this year. We have to been able to spend this entire week together. Monday was a relaxing day at home, Tuesday we traveled to Cincinnati for the day to visit family, Christmas Eve we went to our church as a family of three and had a wonderful time of focusing on Christ and the true meaning of Christmas! The service was amazing and we followed it up by going out to eat and then watching "The Nativity Story". This morning we woke up and Havana was able to open all her gifts not only from her mommy and daddy, but from others who love her so much! We are so thankful for your love for our daughter! We followed the gifts with a special "Birthday Breakfast" and then we all took naps. :) Tonight we are about to have a wonderful Christmas dinner while listening to Christmas music! It has been such a special day as we remember very clearly the pain we had last Christmas.

We have found December to be the month where we mark our progress on this earthly journey. We discuss the year - its joys and sorrows. We also look at our marriage and family and we each make a list of three things we could improve on in the next year as well as highlighting three highs. December is a great time to look back and marvel at the designs of God and realize how very little we are in control of the events that have shaped the past year. Then, with hearts full, we look to the celebration of that silent, holy night, and all its certainty. Because of Christmas, this we know: Christ was born for us. He is love, and the plans He has for us always surpass those of our own. That is not always easy to grasp or accept, but how true! We were out of control with our fertility (or lack there of), we were out of control with both of our pregnancies, and we were out of control on that awful day when our adoption fell apart. But we KNOW that God is good - no matter what happens in our lives, His love is unwavering. We praise Him for His goodness to us.

No matter what you might be going through, on this glorious Christmas night, we pray that your heart seeks to know Him just a little bit deeper. His love for you is great. We are so thankful for the gift of Havana, but we are even more thankful for the gift of the birth of Christ!!! No matter what has happened in the past or what might happen in our future we again proclaim that Christ was born for us, He is Love, and the plans He has for us always surpass those of our own!!!!

May you be blessed this Christmas. Thank You, Jesus, for coming to earth in the form of a baby to be our King of Kings! If you are struggling with anything this Christmas or anytime, please always feel free to call us to be a shoulder to cry on and someone with whom you can always count on for prayers. We would love to share the love of our Saviour with you today and always!!! Merry Christmas!

With Love,
Jason, Darby, and Havana Dugger

I can't believe Havana is already a month old!!!!

So, the title of this blog post pretty much sums everything up. In fact, I'm lying here in bed (trying not to fall asleep until I feed her one last time at 12:30am) and Jason is lying next to me and just said, "I can't believe Havana will be 5 weeks on Tuesday." -- he had no idea what I was typing at the time.

It is crazy how quickly the time has gone by. It feels like just yesterday she was born. She has already gotten so big in just her few short weeks of life. We had a doctors appointment on Wednesday and she now weighs 10 pounds 3 ounces! Wow! She is also 22 inches long. She is pretty much perfect. ;)

Life as parents is wonderful and the only thing that would make it better is a little more sleep at night. :) But I truly love waking up in the middle of night because it is such a special time that only lasts a little while. We feel so incredibly blessed to have such amazing friends. I still have not had to cook a meal because of all the meals that have been provided for us. Truly, that has been SUCH a HUGE help. I did fix Thanksgiving dinner, but that was by choice. :) All of our meals are also being provided for us for this upcoming week as well. I'm truly getting spoiled.

I've also been spoiled by how much time Jason has had at home. He had 2 weeks off when she was born and since then he's only been working part time. He doesn't got back to full time ER shifts until December 15. He's such an incredibly daddy. I always knew he would be, but it makes my heart smile so much to see him play with Havana. He has such a cute voice that he uses to talk to her and he loves reading and singing to her in Spanish. He also has WANTED to get up with me for the middle of the night feedings!! When she wakes us up, he will get up first and get her out of her crib and change her diaper. That usually gives me about 5-10 extra minutes of sleep and then I'll go in there and feed her. He does this everytime she wakes up! We are starting to give her a bottle (of pumped breastmilk) once a day so that he can be involved in her feedings. There have been a few nights that he has given her his once a day bottle in the middle of the night allowing me a longer stretch of sleep! Woo Hoo! He continues to be an amazing husband and is now also an amazing dad. I love watching their interactions daily. Havana certainly loves her daddy, I can tell! :)

Jason and I got each other "birthing" gifts. He got me a necklace that is an opal (Havana's birthstone) and I got him a book entitled "You Have What it Takes" by John Eldridge (he wrote "Wild at Heart" and along with his wife wrote "Captivating"). The book is for dads and it really describes what sons and daughters specifically need from their daddies. The dads have a significant role in their lives - one in which the mother cannot play. Jason has already read the book and I see him applying principals of what the book says girls need from their daddy to Havana. It is funny, we both always thought we would be the parents to all boys. But I have seen how having Havana really brings out qualities in Jason that make me realize that God created him to be a dad to at least one daughter - if not more. :)

I certainly feel so blessed that God chose me to be her mama. I love her little personality and look forward to getting to know her more and more everyday. She has such a good temperament. I think, at least right now, she has more of Jason's personality with a real even tempered nature about herself. However, I have seen moments where I think she is being a little "over-dramatic" -- wonder where she gets that from?! ha. She brings a smile to my face continually and makes me laugh several times a day.

Jason and I have worked very hard to form a balance in her life of love and nurture as well as structure. We really feel strongly that we want Havana to know how much she is loved, but also teach her (yes, even at this young age) that she is not the center of the universe or of this family (our marriage relationship comes before the children). She is such a beloved and welcomed member of this household, but she doesn't make it go round. This has been hard emotionally to implement because I do want to give her everything she wants and I hate hearing her cry. However, we truly believe that giving her everything she wants the minute she demands it will not be an attitude we want to foster. I'm so thankful that Jason and I stand united in parenting.

So what do our days look like? Well, Havana usually wakes up somewhere between 6 and 8am to be fed just depending on how her night has gone. I'll feed her at that time and then as long as we don't have to get up for something (such as church) she'll go right back down for another 3 hours. So anywhere between 9-11 she'll either awake or I'll wake her to feed and then we start our day. I make her have "awake time" after she eats and so during our "awake times" (which are usually about an hour in length) we dance, read, play with her play mats, or she just snuggles with me while I talk to her. After about an hour of playtime... it is nap time for an hour and half. She doesn't always like napping in her crib, but I make her take at least one nap a day in there. For the other naps throughout the day, she can be in her swing, pack-n-play, and for one nap she can be on me. If she doesn't wake up when it is time for her to eat I go and wake her and we feed and start the cycle all over again. Of course, not everyday is perfect... she'll refuse to nap or be super hungry on some days... but that is our goal for everyday. I enjoy that because it helps me know what my days are going to look like and it helps me plan her day. I feel that as the mom - I should direct her in how the day is going and not have it be her telling me.

I love my little girl so much! She is a blessing and a treasure. She truly adds so much to our lives everyday. Jason and I have "family prayer time" with her everynight before we put her in her crib at night and we have prayed daily for her. We were just talking today about how cool it will be to one day in heaven see what blessings come her way and what things she is spared because of our daily prayers. We've already seen God protect her from illnesses as Jason was VERY sick and while Havana did catch a little cold from him - it never progressed or became very bad and I know that is because God was protecting her from the fever and infection. We also pray that she falls in love with Jesus Christ and serves Him with her life. I quoted a Ginny Owens song in my prayer for her tonight praying that she wouldn't be a flame for Jesus, but a raging fire!!! I can't wait to see her fall in love with her Lord.

I could write for hours about my love for her, my love for my husband, my love for being a mommy, my love for Jesus, etc. But, I have to end this post sometime. :) Now that my days are becoming more routine I hope to update a little more often with how she is doing. Thank you for all your support, prayers, and encouragement. We love you and are grateful for your friendship.

Isn't she beautiful?!

Havana Corynne Dugger

Hey Everyone,


Hopefully, most everybody knows that Havana Corynne Dugger was born on Tuesday, October 28th at 3:59pm. She weighted 8 pounds 12 ounces and was 21 1/4 inches long! We are certainly praising the Lord for her wonderful birth!!!

We checked in Monday night and they started the gel in me around 9pm. I had to lie flat for an hour, but after that I was able to eat a meal and we watched a movie. Around 1am they gave me my second dose of the gel and then Jason and I both went to sleep. Around 5am they started me on pitocin and my doctor came in to check me around 8:30 or so. I was only 2 cm dilated and so she went on and broke my water as soon as she broke my water... I turned over and received my epidural. I then took a nap. When I woke up it was the afternoon and I was progressing quickly. Jason said he thought she would be born at 6:22pm and I said 4:11pm. Around 3pm they checked me again and I was at 10 cm and so they said it was time to start pushing. I really only had to push for 37 minutes and she came out!!! I've heard that is pretty fast. I really have nothing to complain about... I didn't feel any pain at all and I didn't even tear at all. Jason laughed and said that I was just built to be a mommy because I made pregnancy and labor look really easy. I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of it. It all happened so fast... I'll never forget Jason's loving words and his voice as he spoke to me... encouraging me and telling me what a great job I was doing. I'll never forget the nurses telling me to push and that my baby was coming. I'll never forget looking into the mirror and seeing her come out and it was over so quickly. They immediately laid her on my stomach and chest and I was able to hold her while Jason cut the cord. I remember thinking that she was the most beautiful and perfect thing I had ever seen... I also remember thinking that she looked like Jason. Jason said my face looked like it does at Christmas when I see all my presents under the tree. :) Guess I was looking at the best present ever! We were both SHOCKED with how BIG she was!!! We were not expecting a baby that size and I remember before she was completely out Jason saying, "that is not a 6 pound baby."

They quickly got her cleaned up and then she was back in our arms. What a magical moment. Both Jason and I shed some tears, exchanged some kisses, and prayed over and over again... thanking the Lord for this beautiful and perfect gift! It was truly a miracle.

The rest of our time in the hospital was great, but went by so quickly. We had fun cuddling Havana and showing her off to everyone who came to see us! We felt so blessed by all the calls, e-mails, and visits!!! What a special time to delight in our gift.

We were able to come home Thursday night and it is very nice to be home (although we miss all the nurses who quickly fell in love Havana too!) While it has been an adjustment for all of us... we love our family. Just this (Saturday) morning we both just cried tears of happiness as we held little Havana. She is so perfect and beautiful and we have waited SOOOOO LONG to bring a baby home. Our little girl is home and has already added so much to our lives. I can't even put into words what our home has been like the past few days... filled with the Lord's presence and His love. What a blessing He gave us in her. I feel so lucky to be her mommy.

I just wanted to share the birthing story quickly and let everyone know how much we appreciate their prayers and support during this time. Havana's life will be more enriched because of your role in it. I wish I had more time to type all of my emotions, but Havana is stirring from her nap so I better wrap this up.

We gave her the name Havana because of how special Havana, Cuba is to Jason and I. We have been there together 5 times on mission trips and have fallen in love with our brothers and sisters in Christ down there. We have such a heart for that place. It was also in Havana, Cuba in July of 2002 when Jason first held my had. The two of us would meet early and sit on the beach watching the sunrise... holding hands... praying... laughing... I guess that is really when we switched from being friends to dating. So clearly, it is special for that reason too. :)