Dear Family and Friends,

Five years ago, during our courtship, we were surprised to learn that each of us had developed an interest in someday adopting a child into our family. It seemed that God had laid this unique desire on both of our hearts long before we ever met. At that time, however, we each imagined that adoption would take place after we had conceived and started raising our biological children. As God’s Word reminds us, though, “His ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts. For His ways are HIGHER than our ways, and his thoughts HIGHER than our thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

In March of 2006 we decided it was time to start adding to our family. We felt that we were at an appropriate stage in our lives to welcome a baby into our home. Neither of us thought it would take long. Darby was expecting to be pregnant within the first month while Jason was thinking it could take up to 6 months. Thus began our struggle with infertility. Obviously, we did not conceive within the first 6 months. In fact, a year and a half later, we are still praying that God will allow us to conceive according to His timing.

Struggling with infertility in the midst of our move to a new city and Jason’s intern year of Residency has proven difficult at times. We have felt discouraged, stressed, forgotten, afraid, lonely, and truly depressed during certain steps of this journey. However, we are continually reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle.

In January of 2007 we began researching various medical infertility treatment options. Without divulging too much information, we then started taking routine infertility drugs with hopes that they would hasten our success in conceiving. To our disappointment, however, they did not. As our doctor encouraged us to pursue more invasive reproductive therapies we took a step back and began to seriously consider the options before us.

Around that time we began exploring the idea of adoption and quickly became interested in a local Indianapolis agency called Bethany Christian Services. In early March, after much prayer and fasting, we both agreed that God was placing a desire in our hearts to choose adoption over the infertility treatments. There were many factors driving this decision, however, the most important influence was the peace we felt in knowing God had directed us to this choice long ago. We had come to the conclusion that the baby we were praying to raise in our own home was perhaps being formed in another’s womb.

So, in March of 2007 we initiated the lengthy process of adoption. We submitted a preliminary application and then met with the director of Domestic Adoptions, here in Indianapolis. At that meeting we learned more about Bethany Christian Services. It is a crisis pregnancy center that ministers to the needs of expecting mothers. Their main focus is on the emotional, physical, and spiritual health of the birth mothers. They provide these women with free Christian counseling throughout their pregnancy, through the grieving process after relinquishment, and for the rest of their lives. (To read more about Bethany, their web site is www.bethany.org).

From our perspective, we feel that this reputable agency is doing everything right. They are loving and serving these mothers in a profound way, they are helping them choose life for their baby, and they are a source of Christian support and encouragement for the adopting parents as well.
After that first meeting at Bethany, we returned home with hundreds of forms to fill out. In fact, it took us two months to complete all the paperwork, including an eight page autobiography questionnaire for each of us. Once all of the documents were completed we sent out requests for letters of recommendation to several pastors and friends, visited our doctor for further required lab tests, and finally we had to be fingerprinted and submit a series of papers for background checks. After that, we were ready to start our interview process. This began with a 3 hour interview at the Bethany office where we first met our Social Worker, Tara. Then two weeks later, we had our “home visit” where Tara came to evaluate our house and community. Finally, we had yet another 3 hour interview to complete, but in this one we were separated and asked various questions individually.

Following these interviews, we began attending several mandatory meetings at the Bethany agency. The first one was an educational meeting where the director of Domestic Adoptions informed us about the remaining steps of our adoption process and how we can begin preparing for the arrival of our adopted child. Then we had a “Birth Mother Panel” meeting where several birth moms who had previously placed their children for adoption came in to share their experiences with us.

The entire process outlined above is referred to as the “Homestudy Process.” During this time we also read many books on parenting adopted children and we composed our “Dear Birthmother” Letter. Now, our profiles are complete and we are finally placed on the waiting list. This means that when a birth mother comes to the Indiana Bethany agency and is considering adoption for her baby, she will view our profile among all the other adopting couples who are waiting. The profile includes our health and family histories, a report submitted by our social worker, and our Dear Birthmother letter with several photos of ourselves. If a birthmother likes our profile, she may request to meet with us in person for a “match meeting.” After that meeting, she will have the opportunity to decide whether or not we are the best couple to adopt her child. Once we are “matched” with a birthmother, then, we have a PLAN in place to adopt her child. We specify the word PLAN because it is not considered a finalized agreement until after the baby is actually born and the mother has relinquished her parental rights by legal documentation.

To some, this information may come as surprising news. To others who have known about it for some time we thank you for your support and prayers during this journey. We just wanted to write a detailed letter to explain how God has led us to this wonderful experience. A great deal of thought, prayer, and preparation have gone into this life-changing event for us and we are very open about sharing our experiences and emotions so please feel free to ask us any questions you might have.

We do not know exactly how long it will be before we welcome our new baby to our home, but we are excited to meet the child that God has specially chosen for our family. We pray that our adoption experience will bless many lives as God continues to demonstrate His tremendous love and faithfulness toward us. We hope you, too, are excited about the soon to come Baby D. and we look forward to the day you may meet him or her.

Love,
Jason and Darby D.