Hi!

So, we haven't updated the blog recently, namely because we haven't had much to add. The pregnancy is going well and our summer is quickly coming to an end. It is so hard to believe that it is already almost August.

Baby "Whosit" (as I like to call her in order not to slip up and say her name)is doing well. I've been working pretty hard to gain more weight as my doctor was a little concerned that I only gained 1 pound between 20 and 24 weeks. My goal is a pound a week and I've been able to gain that so all is good. I have also been hungrier the past week or so than before... so i think she's growing. She's kicking me like crazy, but we make it into a fun game. She'll kick me and I'll poke her back, she'll kick, I'll poke and so it will go until I stop poking. :) Jason has been able to feel her moving all around as she makes pretty dramatic moves that make my stomach look like something from an alien movie. It is nice to feel her moving around and I make a point to read to her daily and Jason and I pray for her daily, for her to continue to survive in the womb and that we would have the chance to hold her soon. We also are praying in advance for her spirit... for her to come to know and love Jesus and her Lord and Savior.

I guess there is a little something to update regarding our adoptive daughter too. I hesitate to share all the details over the blog, but in a nutshell, we've found out over the past several weeks that the birthmother we were match with actually had no intention of giving the baby up for adoption. Instead, she was just abusing the system for money. On top of that, we have also found out that since giving birth she has been arrested for forgery and fraud. This has been a very hard blow for us... we ache for the little girl who we love as much as Baby Whosit. We had hoped to give her a normal and stable life. While we aren't going to be perfect parents - we did want to try our best. Now, it saddens us to have no idea who is taking care of this little girl and what her life will be like growing up.

We have wrestled with what to do... we've come up with a sort of "action plan" in case this girl ends up in foster care and the birthmother looses her rights. However, that takes years to happen. This haunts me... as a mother. I dream about her, think about her, and pray for her all the time. I asked God one morning, "What am I supposed to do with all of these emotions?"

Since I asked that question He has truly just been a comfort to me and teaching me more of Himself. I just keep coming back to the fact that I am to pray for her, this little girl I love as my own, every single day of my life. Pray for her safety, pray for her well being, pray for her to meet Christ in a personal manner, etc. What else can I do? That is how I can continue to be her mother even if I never end of meeting her on this earth. Of course, I selfishly pray that we can still adopt this girl, but if we can't or until we can... I will be praying. I ask for you to pray for her too.

It feels like we have been through so much over the past several years. Dealing with infertility, miscarriage, adoption loss, and now a pregnancy... lots of ups and downs. Lots of "what is God's will for our family?" or "How could God allow for us to go through this after we prayed so hard for it NOT to happen." We've had our share of being positive in dealing with everything and having anger, frustration, etc. But through it all we KNOW KNOW KNOW that God is good. We can't explain why things happen, but we know that God is Sovereign. He's a good God and we trust Him completely with what He wants to do in and through our lives and family. While I wouldn't have written this to be the story of our life... He has and He knows what is best. He has not left us out in the valley to deal with this all by ourselves. He has been our very present help in our times of need. He has held us close to Him daily. We are so grateful for Him for the lessons He has taught us and the love He has shown us.

It is so easy when bad things happen to turn on your faith, to grow bitter towards God, etc. Not that we haven't had those temptations, but overall, that really can't be an option. We need Him so much and His love for us is so evident. I couldn't imagine facing any day without Him. He's so, so good. There are times when i wonder why he allowed all of this... what good has come from any of this? I am not sure the answer, but I do know that God is good. I hope you know that too! As I write this I pray that He makes himself your ever present help no matter if you are in a good or rough season of life. He is so faithful!

Love to all!