But, while I'm having fun in this dream job... I'm learning some incredible and humbling lessons. A few weeks ago, we had six days where poop ended up outside the diapers in some form or another. On Monday Havana pooped while in her room for nap time. I kept hearing her awake and I thought it was weird she wasn't going to sleep. I left her in there for two hours (her normal nap time) expecting her to eventually fall asleep. She never did and when I walked in I realized that it was because she had pooped. I discovered this first by the smell that greeted me once I opened the door. Quickly followed by the brown that was everywhere. On her bed. On her stuffed animals. On her face. YIKES! Into the bath we went.
The next day I turn the corner to find Jonah playing elbow deep in the toilet. Into the bath he went. As I was bathing him Havana had another bowl movement, but I didn't discover it until I walked into MY (yes, my) bedroom and saw that she had taken her diaper off and it was all over my bedspread... my walls... my closet... Into the bath she went. As I am giving her a bath Jonah got into Selah's diaper champ and was taking out dirty diapers (and putting them in his mouth, just keeping it real here!) and was putting toys INTO it... Back into the bath he went. Into the sink the toys went. Then I went in to clean up my room from the earlier diaper incident. I prayed, "Oh Lord, give me strength" And in that moment He whispered, "Show your children the grace I show you every day as I lovingly clean up the poop in your life." Wow. Talk about a game changer. I stress level went down and a smile broke out across my face. I sang songs with the children as I wiped up all the poop in my room. My heart was overflowing as I realized this is what the Lord does in my own life every single day. Oh, how I need His grace!
Wednesday I figured there would be no poop because I had learned that amazing lesson on Tuesday. Lesson learned, Lord, no need for unscheduled baths! Nope. We were playing downstairs and I smelled a little something... I look and I notice it outside of Jonah's diaper. Blow out! Yikes... I quickly run him upstairs and was taking off his shirt. His blow out had reached his hair! Just as I get his shirt off he leans up against the wall. It's now everywhere. Into the bath he went.
I'll spare you the details of the next few days, but they follow the same pattern as the previous days. Each time I wiped poop off of something I kept thinking about the spiritual poop that was in my own life. Oh, how I loved thinking of the Lord wiping me clean each day as I was cleaning and sanitizing my house. The Scriptures tell us that "the Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion." How beautiful and what a timely lesson as I resolved to use each of those moments to show my children that the Lord is abounding in love. His grace is a beautiful thing... and while I do hope I showed my children a glimpse of the Lord's grace and love... I'm pretty sure that week was given to me as a gift for my own growth rather than just a teaching tool for my children.
The other day I was running low on energy. I was feeding Selah and I simply breathed a prayer asking God to get me through the day. In that moment I was reminded that the Lord "will not grow tired or weary." Wow! The Lord never sleeps. He doesn't need to. He doesn't grow tired. He doesn't count down the minutes until bedtime. He doesn't yawn. Imagine for a minute what that would be like? To be honest it is somewhat hard for me to grasp that, but that truth about God alone makes me worship Him as my Strong Tower. He is able to give me His strength to make it to the next moment when my body is so weary. What a great promise!
I told Jason that I think I discovered a new idol in my life. :( Nap time. All three of my children nap at the same time. I usually use that time for me. Sometimes that a nap, other times a bath, rarely I use that time to be productive (cleaning, cooking, etc). I enjoy those two-three hours of peace. The other day Jonah had taken a short nap in the car on the way home and so he didn't want to take an afternoon nap. I tried to put him down after the other two were down, but he was not going to have it. I knew it was risky knowing his car nap was most likely throwing him off. I made him fuss through it for over an hour (hoping that he would exhaust himself and finally fall asleep), but he didn't. I resigned the fight and went to get him up. I was grumpy and grumbling about how I didn't get "my time" and that's when it hit me. That is an idol in my life. I covet that few hours of silence to the point that my attitude goes sour if I don't get it. How selfish! How wrong! In the hallway I quietly repented and opened Jonah's door and joyfully rushed in to get him up. I am sure the next time nap time gets taken away from me I'll struggle with it, but I'm trying to put to death that idol in my life.
Last week Jonah was sick. The poor guy cried for three days... he didn't sleep, eat, or drink. It was rough and I couldn't do anything to help him feel better. Poor little guy. In those moments of looking at his little face I felt the Lord say, "that is you." He was right. There are things in my life that I am so helpless about all I can do is cry. I can't even formulate words. And I don't know about you, but often in those helpless times I fail to pray simply because I feel like I'm too helpless to pray. Well, I'm learning that being helpless is the foundation for true prayer. Just as Jonah was so helpless -- he didn't have any words to describe to me his pain - he just cried... I knew what was wrong with him, I just held him and loved him through it. Well, God is the perfect parent. He loves Jonah more than I love Jonah. He loves me with that love too. So when I'm helpless it is a direct cry from my heart to God's heart. He knows what is wrong even if I don't have words to articulate it. He wants to hold me and love me through it. In watching Jonah deal with a nasty virus I learned that God wants to be invited into our helplessness. What a relief that was for me!
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| Poor Jonah's helpless face! |
Trust me when I say that not all of my lessons are so beautiful. Some are down right humbling. Like watching what comes out of my mouth. Havana started saying this phrase, "No, Baby, That's mine." (She calls Jonah "baby"). I was shocked at her selfish heart and tried to correct her several times that we don't say that phrase, but that we have a heart to share. Jason and I were talking about it and realized she must have learned this from the nursery at church. A day or two later Jason and I were working on something and Jason moved something of mine and I said, "No, baby, that's mine." Of course my tone was different than Havana's and by baby I was referring to my husband... but the wording was 100% the same. I didn't even noticed I said it. Jason, on the other hand, busted out laughing and then restated my concern of, "I have no idea where she learned that phrase." HAHA. Guess the nursery wasn't to blame. Then Havana's next phrase was "Stinky Bottom" -- okay, I knew I didn't say anything like this... so this phrase she must have picked up from the nursery. She said it for several days... anytime Jason or I bent over she would run up laughing and say, "Stinky Bottom" -- it got tot he point that it was disturbing. Where did she hear such words?! Then, one day Jonah had a nasty diaper and I picked him up and said, "Wow, you have a stinky bottom." That's right. Another winning comment that she learned from her mommy... not the nursery. Ouch.
Motherhood... I'm learning a lot. :)
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