If it isn't one thing... it is another...

The title of this post came from the fact that today our air condition went out. It was 86 degrees outside and right now it is 82 degrees inside. I guess I am a little thankful that this happened now and not a few weeks ago when it was 100 degrees by 10am, but still... our upstairs is a sauna. Our dog can't even sit up there without panting and yet that is where the kiddos sleep. Poor children. We gave H a cool bath and have her fan turned on high, so hopefully that will keep her cool enough through the night. We have already placed a call into our home warranty people and have a message with a service provider to come out and check things out, but who knows when they will come. Guess we'll have to find out of the house activities to do tomorrow. Owning a home is fun like that - we recently just had to fix our fridge because it wasn't working - and we have some pipes that are leaking. This home was built is 2003 and is pretty decent quality... so all these "issues" are a little frustrating, but I'm just thankful to own this home... it is isn't one thing, it is another.

The past few days I was feeling really run down - almost as if I was running on fumes. It didn't seem to matter how much sleep I got, when I had to wake up, I was dragging. I was barely able to function is seemed. Then I realized I was getting sick. Not in a contagious sort of way, but from a nursing infection. Mastitis, I had it with Havana and so I knew the warning signs... I've now been on antibiotics for 48 hours and feeling like a new woman! But Sunday and Monday were a little rough for me. Between the infection and gall stones (which are getting worse and not better...) I have come to the conclusion that I can't deny that I'm getting older. To which Jason responds, "I'm 34... talk to me when you are 34." :) Guess he'll have to wait 7 years for that. ;)

Jason doesn't really enjoy our age difference... I love it. Well, I love teasing him about it. Sometimes we will hear a song on the radio and I'll say, "oh, I loved this song when i was in fifth grade. I bet you danced to it at your senior prom!" :) Once we were out with friends and we were trying to make the point that if we had known each other in high school we would not have liked each other (more or less been attracted to each other). Yet our wording of that point came out in, "Jason would not have liked me in high school" to which our friend exclaimed, "Good, because it would have been illegal." :) Once when we were dating he used the wrong choice of words when he said that our age difference wasn't ideal. At the time, my feelings were very hurt, I asked him if I wasn't ideal. Was he just dating me until the "ideal" girl came along. He thought I was overreacting (me, never! :). So, now that is our inside joke... we'll say other's age differences aren't ideal like ours are. It makes us both laugh!

We love laughing and we were able to do a lot of laughing on our date Monday night! That's right... Jason and I went out on a date! That was the first date since Jonah had been born and I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I bought a new outfit and even put in a new nose ring. :) There was a slight hitch in our plans... we tried to give Jonah a bottle Sunday night and he wouldn't take it. He couldn't latch on! Oh no... we never had this problem with havana....

I was all of a sudden filled with anxiety. I'm pretty much prone to overreacting and I'm an "all or none" kind of girl. So, I started thinking I would NEVER be able to leave Jonah for the next year... that he would never take a bottle... then how could we go on our date without taking him with us... and if we took him with us it didn't really count as a date. Sometimes I amaze myself with how quickly my mind jumps to the worst case scenario. I'm glad Jason loves that about me. :)

Anyway, Monday I took Havana to the Science Museum again to meet some friends and Jonah stayed home with Jason. I was home again in time to feed him, so we didn't have to worry about trying a bottle again. Once I was home, I started getting really negative. Not towards any one person, but just a combination of disappointment from knowing I would have to take Jonah with us and feeling so badly that I didn't have any energy to clean the house up like I wanted to. I even considered canceling the babysitters, but Jason thought we should still go out. So we did... and it was great. Okay, maybe not the best date of my life, but nice to get away. My friends watched havana and they love her and she loves them! It was nice to get a text from them shortly after we left that said, "no offense, but she hasn't even noticed you are gone." That was nice. I also loved how one of my friends spoke truth into my life as I was telling her my struggle of taking Jonah with us... She said, "This isn't the last date of your life." So wise. So true! :)

We went and grabbed some dinner and then went to see the movie "Eclipse" -- which was good. Certainly it doesn't compare to the book, but it was still nice to see it on screen. I really don't like any of the actors who play the characters in the movie because I had them all pictured in my head in such different ways, but I think if you are a true fan of the books; then there has to be a small part of you that likes the movies. Anyway, I love that Jason loves me enough to take me to see that movie. He took me to see Twilight too - which we took Havana too (her first movie), so it was somewhat fitting that Eclipse was Jonah's first movie too. :)I ended up seeing New Moon in the theater with friends, but a couple of weeks ago Jason rented that one for us to watch together so that he would be caught up and ready for the third movie since he never read the books.

It went pretty well, there was a time or two Jason had to take Jonah out of the movie, but for the most part we were able to watch it together. Jason let me blabber on and on about the characters or what they left out of the movie that I felt was important, etc. It has been fun for me to be able to talk about the story with Jason now that he knows a little more of it than when I was reading the books. Anyway, after the movie was over we got some ice cream and ate it outside since it was a beautiful summer night. Overall, it was very nice to get away and now we're going to try and get Jonah to take a bottle so we can leave him next time too! Good thing a 10 week old baby doesn't really limit quality conversation like a 20 month old does.

Overall, I'm grateful that we didn't cancel our babysitters and can't wait until our next date. I already know where I'm going to take Jason for dinner that night, but I won't tell him yet - it will be a surprise. Jason and I like to say that we are "King" or "Queen" of Surprises and so we always try and plan special things for the other one so that we can have the reigning title of "King" or "Queen" of Surprises. To be honest, I think Jason truly has the title... I'm in a mere 2nd place, but I don't let him know I believe that way and still argue that I'm the "Queen" and he is in 2nd place. :)

Today, Tuesday, has been a good day. Jason and I woke up a little after nine which was before either child had gotten up. So spent about 45 minutes this morning to ourselves which hasn't happened since before Havana was born. It was actually very nice. We ended up waking up the children around 10am to get them ready for the day. My parents came over for a few hours which was a very nice visit. Havana was all charms for them! After they left, the children took good naps, and then we took a family trip to the grocery store. I'm so thankful to have a husband who pushes the kids around while I get all the food. Towards the end, H was getting a little bored, so I let her get out and walk the aisles with me. We called up and down the aisles for our food - "Tomatoes, where are you?" I'm sure no one else thought it was fun, but I did. I found that H was doing a very good job staying close to me which is something we've been working on her with.

As we were checking out, H saw a small box of goldfish crackers close to the check out line. She got them and then ran in front of the cart to put them up by the cash register. I laughed so hard and then was somewhat amazed that she was aware of how the system works. I have never explained to her the workings of the grocery store, but it just goes to show they really observe everything. I found her actions to be very funny, but I had to tell her no because she kept wanting to run from the back of the cart to the front, putting things on the conveyor belt. I figured no one else would appreciate he cuteness except for me, so I told her she was smart, but had to sit back in the cart! And yes, that rhymed.

Good day, but now a hot night...

Good weekend...

So, I guess I lost momentum when it came to posting everyday. I really enjoy it, but it is hard to find the time since I don't get on my computer when H is awake and when she is asleep I'm doing other things.

Anyway, this weekend was overall pretty great. Friday I met a friend and her two children at the Science Museum. I like the science museum here in Louisville, but it honestly doesn't compare to the children's museum in Indy. I do miss that place. Anyway, it was a good time and I was proud of Havana because she really listened and obeyed when I would tell her what areas we could play in. She tends to dart away from me and so we've been working on that, and I think she is getting better about realizing that she needs to stay close to mommy.

I enjoyed my time with my friend - she is pregnant with her third child and she and her husband want six. I love that because Jason and I also want a large family, God willing, with many children (both biological and adopted) and so I love when I can hang out with other moms who feel the same way. Jason and I are very open to life and have a lot of moral issues with contraception. Perhaps I'll explain our beliefs in another post, but I can't imagine looking at Havana and Jonah and then saying I don't want any more... they are so wonderful and add so much to our lives. It really isn't our place to tell God, "not right now, please don't create a life You want to..." anyway, I digress...

Friday afternoon I was able to clean our entire house - top to bottom - which always makes me happy. Sure the actual cleaning process doesn't always make me happy, but the finished result sure does. Then I made dinner and we had friends over with their two children. It was such a fun night. We feel so blessed to have this family as not only an example, but also just as good friends who are close to the same phase we are in life. Dinner was somewhat chaotic, but we loved every minute of it. The evening ended with Jason and I feeling refreshed from great fellowship with another couple who are trying to raise their children to know and love Jesus just like we are.

Friday was also Tucker's bday. Tucker is our much beloved dog who is now 4 years old. We lovingly call him our first born. He's pretty sweet, but somewhat spoiled too! He sleeps in bed with us. :) Anyway, we got him a cake and so we were sure to sing him happy birthday and give him his cake and his new toy. Not as thrilling of a bday as he has had in the past (this is the first year he didn't have a party with other doggies) but we still celebrated it. :)

Saturday was also a good day. We just hung out as a family for the most part and then went to Saturday night church. We love Saturday night church because it works better than Sunday mornings for us. To get us all up and out of the house in the morning takes a lot and so whenever we can - we opt to go in the evening. We have never really ever been able to put Havana in the nursery at church and not get paged out. So, in that regards, going to church has been a challenge for us over the past 20 months. They will let her cry as long as they can, but she always ends up getting close to throwing up so they page us. We keep trying and we make sure to talk to the nursery workers about her "SI" issues so they will be aware. Well, Praise God, we did NOT get paged out yesterday!!! We couldn't believe it. We walked in after church and saw a lady sitting on the floor playing peek-a-boo with a little girl under a blanket - that little girl was Havana.

The first words out of the lady's mouth was, "Havana is a delightful little girl." I almost started crying! I know this... but no one else really gets to see that side of her because of how upset she is. I sometimes feel that they dread us coming to church because of how "needy" Havana is. I know from working in the nursery that if you have one screaming child - there is a domino effect and you try to get rid of that screaming child so the others will calm down. And yet, these workers seemed determined to find what worked with Havana. The lady even said, "we just wanted to give you guys one entire service." And oh, they did! So refreshing... Jason and I both expressed our thanks several different times.

Havana never calmed down in the nursery room - so they had her out by herself, giving her one-on-one attention and love. How wonderful. I could tell they really got to know her because she said, "Havana loves to sing..." -- again, we know this, but most people don't. We were very, very proud of Havana and we are so incredibly grateful to all the wonderful nursery staff for taking Havana and giving her extra special love and attention to help us. Not going to church together has proved to make us both wary and drained. Going to church over the past year has been such a hassle. It is hard to drop her off, knowing she is screaming, and then waiting to get paged to go get her and then just walk around the church with her. I was largely responsible for that before Jonah and so Jason would get to hear the sermons. Since having Jonah, Jason has gone to be with havana and I've sat with Jonah - so neither one of us is really hearing the sermon and we certainly aren't going to church together. But, now we feel hopeful that we are moving out of this phase. We are also planning on putting Jonah in the nursery in August - so then we'll be completely child free for one hour every week and will be able to focus on growing in the Lord together as a couple! Praise God... truly a long awaited answer to prayer. We are aware that it might be a one step forward, two steps back sort of thing, but we are determined to try again every week, praying each time that Havana will grow to love church!

Going to church on Saturdays always leaves Sundays to be nice and relaxing. We hung out as a family this morning and now the children are taking naps! Not much planned for the rest of the day... other than playing. I'm not feeling super hot today - last night I came down with mastitis... again. I got double mastitis when Havana was first born and it was horrible. Thankfully, I know what it is now, so last night I started feeling the symptoms and this morning they were still there so we went on and started on some meds. I've also been having gall stone issues since Jonah was born and so my stomach hurts pretty much all the time. Funny how when you are a mommy and you get sick - well, you have to keep going. Ha.

The Lord humbled me yesterday when it came to my role as a wife. I went to check Havana into the child care and I gave her my info and then she said, "oh yes, I remember you from last week." I thought she was referring to how my daughter screamed and so I said, "Yes, we are pretty hard to forget." Then she said, "well, I remember you got really mad at your husband for "Vana" -- by that she meant that I saw where Jason put Havana's name as "Vana" and then I was utterly embarrassed. I don't want someone to remember me by my wrong attitude towards Jason. Clearly, I wasn't submitting and apparently I didn't have a very respectful attitude towards Jason. I apologized to the lady and then I apologized to jason. He sometimes calls Havana "Vana" and I sometimes call her that or "Vans" but I still don't like other people to call her that and Jason knows that, but if he wants to put her name down as "Vana" then I need to be okay with that. He's the leader and he certainly wasn't doing it to spite me... I certainly need to remember that and to make sure my attitude towards Jason is always respectful and submissive. Lesson learned... I hope! I'm so thankful for Jason and his grace with me!!

Speech Therapy Day

Thursdays are Speech Therapy days for Havana! In all cognitive, social, and motor skills Havana is either in her age range or above average, but her speech is so delayed she has the verbal communication of a 6-9 month old. That really breaks my heart. Granted, she is GREAT at communicating with us through the use of sign language and the fact that we understand her grunts and such. But, when they actually put a number on it (6-9 months) it makes my heart sad to think of her having such a delay. I wonder how much of her heart she can't share with us. If you ask her to point to a certain object either on herself or in a book - she can do that - so she knows things, but can't express things to us. Sometimes I just want to cry. However, we are doing all we can with her and have seen lots of improvements in just the past month. Anyway, I was a little nervous about this meeting - only her second with our speech therapist down here (who is awesome!) and just because of how sad I get when I think that Havana actually has to have therapy. Well, the Lord was amazing today and really encouraged my heart through our speech therapy session!

Our therapist, Elizabeth, is AMAZING! She was so encouraging towards me with Havana and even called me a "dream mom" and she said she could tell a difference in Havana since last week based on some of the things we were working on with her. She was also very complimentary of Havana (and Jonah too!). Havana warmed right up to her and loved spending an hour playing with her. She was even putting several signs together in order to communicate in a sentence and was making sounds when prompted by the end of the session. Elizabeth certainly has a way with Havana... and with me... she is very good and so encouraging that I was left feeling confident instead of sad. I think I'll look forward to Thursdays now.

Per Elizabeth's advice from last week, we've started doing "Mat Time" twice a day with Havana. This is supposed to help her attention span. We bought a Dora area rug and twice a day I tell her it is time for "Mat time" so she sits on her mat with her back to the wall and then I pick out a toy that she has to play with for three minutes. By the end of the three minutes, she is usually crying trying to get past me to play with something else, but I make her sit back down and play with the one toy or book I had picked out. Hopefully soon we can start increasing it to five minutes or so per toy. But, in today's therapy session, she did sit and play with the puzzles that Elizabeth had much better than she did last week, so I guess it is working.

That was the main excitement of today. I was able to sleep in until 10am - that is when Jason and Havana woke me up with breakfast in bed. So sweet... and humbling. Every since we have had Jonah, Jason gets up every morning with havana (she usually wakes up around 8:30). However, for the past three weeks, Jonah has been sleeping through the night so I don't really have any excuse for not getting up with havana, but Jason still willingly get up with her and then I just wake up when Jonah needs to eat (usually between 9-10am). Before Jonah was born, I was always the one to wake up with H and if Jason slept in a lot, I would find myself a little grumpy at him for it. If I ever asked him to get her up - he would certainly do so - but if I didn't, I would just get her up and them play with her until he woke up and would silently be upset that he always got to sleep in. And yet, here is my husband, on week 9 of working outside the home AND waking up with havana (last night he got home from work around 2:30am) and instead of being resentful towards me for sleeping in - he makes me breakfast in bed! What an example of Christ for me... I am going to do my best to remember this day and try and start letting him sleep in and instead of wondering "how long is daddy going to sleep?" I'll say, "I hope he sleeps a long time, he deserves it."

Personally, I know I sometimes try to play a "martyr" role. It is something I have to watch with myself because that is a personality trait that I DO NOT want... I'll say things like "I have to do everything." That's why I would get so upset with Jason for sleeping in, I would think I had to ALWAYS get up in the morning and do EVERYTHING. Which is not true, he helps out more than most husbands, but that martyr syndrome comes into play. Jason doesn't have that in him at all. So to see the way he handles me sleeping in every morning (responding in love and with breakfast in bed) is clearly and example of the personality traits that I DO want in my life. I'm thankful for a husband who loves Jesus so much that is helps him love me so well!

Moving on...

Jason loved the Monkey bathroom theme I picked out! I love that we have toys and juvenile things all over the house. I'm so happy being a mommy. We bought a Picnic Table today for havana - now she has a place to color and play as well as room for friends to sit with her for lunch or dinner. We're having two different play dates tomorrow - one at the science museum in the AM and then some friends coming over for dinner. So, best be going to bed so I can be rested and ready to go in the AM. This is the 2nd night in a row Jonah was asleep by 9pm -- would LOVE that to be his new bedtime!!!

Interesting Day...

Jonah has acid reflux and projectile pukes A LOT... seriously, I've never seen a kid with this kind of distance. Anyway, he was on a roll today causing me to shower and change my clothes twice, give him a bath twice, and clean the bathroom from top to bottom all by 9am! Fun morning! :)

I took the kids and met a friend and her children at a storytime in Louisville. We were home in time to have a family dinner with jason before he had to leave for work. This afternoon, while both children were napping, I was upstairs with our dog. I all of a sudden hear our door alarm. Everytime a door opens in our house the alarm system says, "Fault: Back Door Open." (or whichever door opens it names). It took me a minute to realize that Jason was at work and Havana was asleep. Someone opened our back door! I freeze, but then call jason and whisper to him the situation asking what I should do. He said to take Tucker, our dog, downstairs and see what is going on. On my way downstairs I tried to find one of Jason's baseball bats - in our other homes he always kept at least one under the bed, but apparently not in this house. So, I grab the swiffer duster that I had on the dresser from my morning clean. Okay, in hindsight I realize that was a pretty pathetic thing to grab - couldn't I have at least grabbed some scissors?! Anyway, Swiffer in hand I go down the stairs - still on the phone and with my trusted guard dog BEHIND me. All is calm, but the back door is wide open! I search all the rooms downstairs and come to the conclusion that the wind must have blown the door open. I'm still not super convinced how, but I don't think anyone was in our house, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

My mother-in-law came over for a little bit after Havana's nap time and after she left I bundled up the kids and went to Target. My goal was to buy things for the children's bathroom. Decorating our new house has become somewhat stressful for me -- I want a house that looks amazing. I also know that I have two children under the age of two and hopefully more to follow and so having "nice" things really isn't a good option for us seeing as we would just have to hide them for the next few years. Plus, I wonder where to start when it comes to decorating. I don't know what colors or syles I like.

Havana's room is complete (we still need to paint it, but we have her theme and know the paint color) and the nursery is also complete (again just need paint, but we know what we want to do). The other upstairs bedroom is currently a play room (it will become Jonah's room once he outgrows the nursery) and so I'm content to leave the walls tan and hang primary color paintings and such in there until we convert it to Jonah's room. So, I decided I could go on and pick out a theme for their bathroom to make it a little more fun for them and then when we go to paint next month we'll know what color we want for their bathroom. I ended up going with a monkey them and I think it is so cute! I got the basics: shower curtain and curtain hooks, matching towel sets, soap dispensers, and a toothbrush holder. But then I also got a really cute, rather large, monkey rug! I was pretty proud of myself. I found online matching monkey wall decals and so I'll order those and put those up after we paint. Anyway, I figure that will be good for their bathroom for the next few years at least.

On my drive home I thought about how there weren't that many people at Target for a Friday night. Then it hit me... today is Wednesday. I've been thinking it was Friday all day and I'm pretty sure I thanked my mother-in-law for driving over in the Friday traffic. Hm... guess my mind really isn't what it used to be.

Then, in keeping with the interesting day theme, I received a text today. From a number I didn't recognize with an 870 area code (after googling that I found out that is a AK area code). It said, "I will c u tomorrow." Hm, perhaps that is the same person who opened my back door?! I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out! Ha.

Normally Jonah doesn't fall asleep until close to 11pm, but tonight he fell asleep before 9pm - and Havana goes to bed by 8pm. So I've enjoyed a quiet evening in the house by myself. I put all the new things in the "Youth Bathroom" as I call it. Now, I guess I'm going to look online for a new comforter set for our master bedroom in hopes of coming up with our color and theme for our room. Ugh, have I mentioned how stressful this is for me?! Fun, but also overwhelming. :)

Blogging...

Okay, so deep down inside, I want to be better at this whole blogging thing. I enjoy reading other's blogs so much, but then when it comes time for me to type something - I don't feel like I have any thoughts that are really entertaining or enjoyable for others to read. I used to be an incredible at journaling. I would write in my journal every night for years with specific, detailed about what I did that day. Of course, those journals weren't published on the internet for all to read so I didn't really think about the thoughts I was writing down. Over the past few years I have become quite horrible at journaling and I'm realizing that while at one time I had an incredible memory - that is quickly fading with age. So... I want my blog to be my online journal. That way I have a way to write down special memories I might forget and I get in the habit of posting more on my blog... I do know that my day to day life and my thought life really aren't going to be interesting to very many people, but what the heck, I'm going to type and post anyway.

Something that has spurred this on is Havana. She does things each day that I think are so funny and cute and yet by the next day it seems I can't recall what she did that was so funny. I don't want to miss the opportunity to type those special moments out in order to help me remember and track her growth. This morning I was folding laundry and she was "helping" -- of course, by helping I mean that she was undoing everything I had done and making the task take three times as long, but I love every minute of it. :). Anyway, I shook a shirt to get the wrinkles out and I look over and Havana stops playing with the shirt she was trying to put on(and by trying to put on I mean wearing as a hat) and shakes it out and then tries to put it on again. It is funny the things they notice.

Both Havana and Jonah are so much fun to watch. She has started giving Jonah kisses a lot and he has started "talking" and laughing so much. It is fun to see what things make him laugh.

Since this blog post isn't going to just be about the kids like the normal monthly update (remember I'm trying to get better at blogging and not just more frequent posts of the same thing...) I'll move on.

I had a pretty good day today. On days Jason is home in the morning he always takes care of Havana so I can sleep in. Today was one of those mornings and it is really refreshing to wake up on my own rather than a child waking me up!

I will admit that over the past few days I've been acting very "girly." I have not liked anything about my appearance lately... I really hate when I get like this... I feel as if I'm looking old! I don't like my hair, nails, glasses, clothes, etc. In fact, the other day I tried on all my clothes and literally donated anything that I put that didn't make me feel pretty when I wore it. Let's just say I have A LOT of room in my closet now. Ha.

Jason always deals with me so well when I get like this. I am lucky to be married to a man that I KNOW, without a doubt, that he thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world. I love that. The other day I said to him, "Before I had Jonah I was a size 4. Now I'm a size 8. You know what that means, right?" (I was meaning to imply that I'm going to need to buy new clothes) - however his response was a sincere, "Oh, so that explains why you are so beautiful." He's sweet. He also made me laugh yesterday because I was able to get my eyebrows waxed - a much needed task - and I was going through all the things I didn't like about my appearance and he said, "But, you like your eyebrows, right? I mean you have to like those - we just paid for them." :) I did laugh to that!

I love laughing. My favorite is the big belly laugh where I can't breath and end up with not only hurting sides, but a case of the hiccups. You know I've enjoyed myself if I hiccup after laughing. :) Jason makes me laugh pretty much all the time - even when I'm upset with him. Last week we were on each other's nerves (well, he was on mine and I'm assuming I was on his as well...) and we were in our bathroom brushing our teeth and he said something that annoyed me and so I snapped, "well, I'm glad we are friends tonight." He said, "Oh, me too! I'm feeling very friendly. I like being friends." His tone was playful and it made me laugh. :) He's a funny man and I love that when we're in our 80s, he'll still be making me laugh! Yay for belly laughter.

How's that for a different post?

Proposal Story

In honor our of the anniversary of the day Jason proposed to me (June 26th)... I thought I would take a stroll down memory lane and post the story of his proposal.

Jason's summer break between his 2nd and 3rd year of medical school was coming to a close. He was to start back on Monday, June 28th. As we were making plans for his last weekend of "freedom" Jason said, "how about I plan the date for Friday night and you can plan the date of Saturday night." I agreed and wondered to myself if Friday night would be the night he would propose to me. I knew Jason wanted to marry me, but I didn't know when he was thinking would be a good time (during or after medical school). If he wanted to get married while he was still in medical school - then a proposal had to be coming soon.... :)

Friday, June 25th:

We spend the day in the pool at my apartment complex with several friends. By the time everyone left, I was not feeling very well at my. My body was killing me from my MS. I told Jason I was going to get ready for our date. He kept saying we didn't have to go out since I was feeling so poorly, but wanting to see what he had planned (and if there was going to be a proposal...) I said I felt okay enough to go out. However, as I continued to get ready, I broke down and started crying from the pain. Jason came into the room and said we really didn't have to go out. I again told him I wanted to go. He responded with, "why don't we just rent a movie and get take out? I don't have anything special planned anyway." And with that, my heart sank, there would be no proposal anytime soon. So, I resolved to just renting a movie and taking it easy.

Saturday, June 26th:

I woke up feeling better and drove over to Jason's apartment in the late morning. He was in a Saturday Morning Bible study with a group of guys and so I waited for him to return from that. We hung out for a little bit and then he asked what the plans were for the evening since it was my turn to plan the date. I told him to pick me up at my place around 4pm. He did so. I was wearing a little sun dress - he was wearing khaki pants and a nice top. We went to the movies where we watch the romantic movie "The Notebook." After it was over, we went to dinner at Martinis in the Summit. It was a beautiful summer evening and we were able to eat dinner outside. After dinner, Jason suggested we get dessert at the chocolate shop next door. We got 6 chocolate covered strawberries to go. As we were driving back towards my apartment and Jason said, "it is really such a pretty night; would you want to go to a park and walk around?" I said sure. We drove to Papa John's Park - which we had nicknamed "our park" since we went there together A LOT. Often times just to relax and have a picnic lunch, but a few times when we were in a serious argument we would go there and not leave until we had things resolved. We had lots of memories at that park. We took a nice stroll enjoying the beautiful evening hand-in-hand and eating our strawberries.

On our way out of the park, Jason misses the turn for the highway. I asked him where we are going and he said he really had to go the bathroom. To be honest, we had just returned less than a week earlier from a mission trip down to Cuba and Jason's stomach had been acting up since that trip. We pass by two gas stations so I ask again where we are going. He said, "To church." I question him in why he didn't just stop at the gas stations and he said, "because the bathrooms at church are cleaner." I looked at him funny because I am picky and never use public bathrooms, but Jason is not one who cares about that sort of thing. Then I pointed out that the church would probably be locked seeing as it was already after 10pm. He convinced me it would be open despite my doubts. To my surprise it was open and I asked if he wanted me to wait in the car - he said, "no, it might be a while, just come on in." So I went in. There was a security guard sitting at the desk and so I start talking to him while Jason goes to the bathroom. I told him how confused I was that Jason was going to the bathroom at the church this late at night and he responded with, "oh don't worry about it - people do it all the time." Jason finally came out and as we started to head back to the car Jason stopped and asked if I wanted to do our devotion there. That wasn't an uncommon request - we usually did a devotion together everyday and we loved to do them in different places. So, Jason gets out a Bible and he reads to me from Ezekiel and we talked about the passage. Again, nothing uncommon. Then, he flips the Bible to the Ephesians 5 passage about marriage and reads that out loud. Then he walks a few steps, grabs a hidden guitar, and starts playing a song that I had heard him play for several months - a song he had written. However, instead of just playing the chords like he had done in the past... he starts singing,

"If I could take away all your pain
If I could make you feel all brand new inside
If I could wipe away your tears
And help you forget all of the times you’ve cried

You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
For you, I would

If I could live my life with you
We’d serve the Lord in all the things that we do
If I could reach the lost with you
And teach them all about God’s Love and his Truth.

You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
For you, I would

And I’ve dreamed of this day
For such a long, long time
But Darby, I never dreamed
That YOU could be mine.

And I’m so thankful just to have you in my life.
I’m so very thankful just for you.

So if I asked you to be my bride
And if I asked you to stand by my side.
And if I got down on my knee (which he did during this line!)
And if I asked you, “Will you marry me?” ………………..

And with that he stopped singing and playing and waited for my response. I hesitated just a moment, not out of fear, but because I didn't want to interrupt his song - he finally said, "well?" I smiled and said, "YES." He stood up and said, "good. Then you can have this." and with that he handed me a small velvet box. I opened it up and saw my beautiful engagement ring! I had made sure not to tell Jason what I wanted in a ring, but if I had told him everything I wanted - this ring would be it. It was perfect! From the shape of the main diamond to the diamonds all around the sides to the unique engravings on the band... perfect. I put it on and that is when I realized that Jason proposed to me at the very spot where we had met at Southeast Christian Church on January 22, 2002. What a perfect place to propose since our faith was the foundation of our relationship!

We were married six month later at the same church where Jason sang me another song... but perhaps I'll write more about that story in another post. :)

May and June update...

The month of May brought a lot of changes to our family. The first being in the form of our wonderful son, Jonah Abraham, who was born on May 3. While is birth was easier and just as pain free as my delivery with Havana - he had some complications after birth that were a little scary for us. Because of how quickly he came out (5 minutes) he swallowed a lot of fluids on the way out; which led to him choking a lot his first 48 hours or so. His face was also extremely swollen and bruised from the birth. This was not the case with Havana and so to see him like that was both scary and sad. While I know it is pretty normal, as a mom, I still hated seeing him like that. They warned us early on that he might become jaundice because of the bruising. Well, they were right. His billirubin levels kept going up. It was actually quite scary - when he was 24 hours old, they took Jonah in the to do his circumcision and they brought him back a while later hooked to a heart and lung monitor and hooked to a billiblanket. Jason was back at home taking care of Havana at this point and so I was by myself trying to wrap my mind around all these machines. The monitor was because he choked during the circumcision and ended up turning blue. The billiblanket was for his jaundice. Listening to the machines and seeing him hooked up to those things was very painful for me.

The next day the doctor kept saying she was sure that his levels would go back down, but instead, they kept rising. By the time we left they were at a level where they told us we actually couldn't leave the hospital, but that he needed to be transferred to the NICU. Again, I know jaundice is pretty common, but I still hated hearing those words. I also hated the thought of not going home. It was Wednesday evening by this point - I missed Havana horribly and really wanted us to go home and start adjusting to life at home. However, we knew that we needed to do whatever was best for Jonah. They went back and forth for hours, literally, on if they would let us go home or admit him to the NICU. Havana and Jason had come to pick us up and so poor Havana had waited for hours in the little hospital room with us. Finally, at 10pm, they said because his weight gain was appropriate, we could go home. We left and rushed home (a 45 minute drive) only to return the next day at 9am to get another draw to check his billirubin. That draw showed his levels going down and we were instructed to leave him on the blanket for the next week and to feed him every 2 hours - even through the night - at whenever he demanded it. It was somewhat of a pain to feed him on demand and have him constantly hooked up to the blanket (and thus near an outlet), but it was a small sacrifice to make in order to make sure he was healthy.

Once we were home, it was nice to start adjusting to life as a family of four! The transition went quite smoothly, Praise God! My body healed up rather quickly and breast feeding went a lot smoother than last time and so chasing after an 18 month old and taking care of a new born just seemed very natural. Jason, as always, was a HUGE help - being largely responsible for Havana's care while I tended to Jonah and he would help me in the middle of the night by changing Jonah's diapers before I would feed him. I went to the doctors office by myself with just Jonah when Jonah was three days old and the secretary said I looked very rested for a mom of a new born and I quickly responded that I had a good husband who helps me out a lot. That was met with a lot of "awwws" by the office staff, but it is the truth. Jason has always gone above and beyond in his role as husband and father. :)

Havana is an incredible big sister. She loves Jonah and is very attentive to his needs (sometimes too attentive, but her motives are always pure :). It has been a joy to watch her learn how to be gentle and to share her toys with him. She never had a struggle with jealousy and she loved having a friend who rides with her in the car and stroller. To say I'm impressed with her would be an understatement.

Even Tucker has adjusted well to the new addition. When we brought Havana home, Tucker was sad for several days. However, bringing Jonah home didn't seem to phase Tucker much at all.

The other big change for our family was our move! When Jonah was three weeks old we moved from Indianapolis back to the Louisville area. It has been a breath of fresh air to be back! While there were parts of and people in Indianapolis that I absolutely LOVED - I never realized how it never felt like home to me until I moved back. I laugh and say I feel like I'm on vacation with how relaxed and happy I am! It is very natural to be back. Just driving around the city makes me smile, I'm home! That is really funny coming from a girl who moved to Louisville Kicking and Screaming and who wanted to move away as quickly as possible. Funny how things change...

I forgot how Louisville is really just a big, small town... I have enjoyed running into people I know anytime I stop somewhere - be it the zoo or the grocery. It is very nice for Jason and I to be back at our home church as well and seeing our old friends! We love our new neighborhood and our neighbors! We live in a very social neighborhood and pretty much every night everyone goes outside to talk with each other. Everyone has been very nice and pretty much everyone has offered to babysit. :) Our new home has a playground in the back yard which is a big hit with havana! We also have a neighborhood pool and some walking trails which have already provided our family with lots of fun!

The unpacking process is going pretty slowly since our days are spent playing with two children. By the time they go to sleep, we are ready to go to sleep as well. But little by little we are getting things accomplished. After we unpack, our next project will be decorating - we are hoping to get lots of new furniture and then from there to pick paint colors that we feel will make this house our home. The basement is completely unfinished and while we are setting up a workout area and a scrapbooking area down there now - eventually we will want to finish it. We are also enjoying planning our landscaping and what we want to do with our lawn. It has been fun and refreshing!

Right now Jonah is six weeks old and Havana is almost 20 months old. Jonah is doing pretty well, he is a HUGE boy... he is over 13 pounds and getting bigger every day. He has adapted to a three hour eating scheduel and the cycles of eating/awake time/sleep time. His night time sleep is just now stretching to longer hours so he is only waking up once a night these days and usually sleeps in until about 9am. He loves to snuggle and he is very endearing. He is overall a pretty content little boy who we are crazy about!

Havana is growing a lot these days too! She is a very tall girl - in the nursery at church she is by far the tallest one in the room. At storytime the other day she was standing next to a few three year olds and she was taller than both of them. I would say my husband marked both of my children with his "giant genes"! :) Havana is so much fun to play with and I LOVE watching her use her imagination. Her doll house and her little family are her favorite toys these days. She is a silly little girl who loves to giggle and she has such a tender heart. Jason and I have agreed we want to foster that in her - just allowing her to be a silly little girl and encouraging her tenderness. She loves to give hugs - even to pictures in the books we read to her - so we always tell her how sweet she is to hug the bird on the page. :)

She is making improvements with her language development. She is now saying "go" and "notebook" and a few other words as well as many animal sounds! She has increased her signs and now has a sign for pretty much everything including baby Jonah! :) We are going to continue to have her go to speech therapy down here, but most likely won't start that until July.

Our biggest challenge with her right now is the fact that she enjoys pulling Tucker's tail. We are learning what styles of discipline work best with her personality. We are doing a better job these days are remembering the big picture - thinking back to how HARD February was for us in terms of our battles with Havana over what she would eat for dinner. However, now she eats whatever I put in front of her without any objections. I sometimes laugh when I think that used to be a struggle and how now it isn't. That helps us not feel so overwhelmed when thinking about a certain struggle we are having with her - knowing that if we are consistent, she will learn what is expected of her and why and will soon adapt her behaviors accordingly. Then we'll move onto another challenge, but rejoicing in each victory we have with her. We are so grateful and humbled at the chance to parent her and raise her up to know and love Jesus.

Jason and I have spent lots of time praying for our children - their future spouses, their future lives, their faith. We also pray for present day things like Jonah's sleep patterns and for Havana with her speech development and her ever present separation anxiety... however, the other day I realized that I wanted to also pray for them just to be fun loving children who are sheltered from the cruel realities of this world for as long as possible. I just want them to dance through this world. I think about Havana and how wonderful her little life is - she wakes up to a mommy and daddy who are happy to see her. We eat, play, and laugh pretty much all day. Jason and I have encouraged her to have small moments of "individual play time" but for the most part, our days are just playing games and reading books to Havana. We save the house work and paper work for times when she is sleeping. As she and Jonah continue to grow and as we add other children to our family (hopefully) we want to make sure to keep that our priority. We don't want them to think they are the center of the world or that they can tell us what we will be doing that day, but we want them to know that playing with them is more important that doing the dishes and that family time is important to us all.

I have always been involved in ministries since I've become a Christian. Being very active in my church has always been at the core of who I am. However, as we are starting to add more children to our family, I'm starting to grasp the concept of stepping back. While there are still a few certain things I'll want to be involved it, I can no longer balance the many ministries I've been involved in and juggling two children. This was somewhat painful for me to fully accept at first. However, I started thinking about the Great Commission where Jesus tells us to, "...go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you...
(Matthew 28:19-20). As I sat and pondered that, I came to embrace that for right now, I am commissioned to make disciples out of Havana and Jonah. They are my Great Commission and that is not a role or ministry I should take lightly or view as 2nd rate. That is my priority when it comes to living out the Great Commission even though it will look very different than leading ministries, mission trips, and Bible studies. As I told Jason my thoughts on this he agreed and added that through their lives, they can reach more people for Christ than I could alone, so investing in teaching them God's truths is by far my greatest responsibility and ministerial role. That really makes changing diapers become a lot more significant.

Jason and I continue to do well in our marriage. I am truly so blessed to be married to such an amazing man! Perhaps that is one of the reasons I love being back in Louisville so much - I drive down the road and everything seems to have a connection to Jason and when we first started dating - our love story. :) We've been married 5.5 years now and have learned so much through the years. We've always been good about reading the Bible and praying together regularly, but we just started something new where we are memorizing Scripture together each week as well. While that is something we have both done individually in the past or together for a certain verse occasionally that can be applied to a trial we are facing - we've never made a habit of doing it together each week. We're excited for how the Lord will teach us more about Himself while we add that discipline to our lives.

The other day I was upstairs holding Jonah and I walked into Havana's room and she was singing and dancing. We looked at each other, smiled huge smiles at each other and both started laughing. The love that I feel for my family is overwhelming at times, but I sat there looking at my carefree, beautiful daughter and I was holding my handsome, content son - and I was humbled with my wonderful family - I am certainly blessed beyond what I deserve. My husband is incredible and my children are amazing. They are more than I deserve, but I'm incredibly thankful and try daily not to take a single minute of my life for granted. Life can be messy, but God is so good! Praying that you all relish in His faithfulness too!