Life has been sweet and busy since we were blessed with our third miracle! Selah was born on July 19th and we came home that Thursday the 21st. I was excited to get settled in back home... yet that night Selah scared us! All that day at the hospital she didn't make a wet or dirty diaper. All afternoon she was awfully sleepy. Now, I realize she was a new born, but I also had been with her the past two days and this was different. She wouldn't wake up - not even to eat - and when she did open her eyes they rolled back into her head. Her breathing was a little off as well. I tried skin-to-skin... I tried stripping her down and laying her on the cold couch... I tried just about everything to get her to wake up and eat. Nothing. I kept telling Jason, "She isn't the same girl who was in the hospital." She wasn't crying, wouldn't make a noise, wouldn't open her eyes, wouldn't eat... I was slightly worried she was having seizures or something along those lines. Jason quickly reassured me she was not, but after observing her more carefully he agreed that he was "concerned, but not frightened." We ended up calling our pediatrician on call around 11:30pm. Please know that we really never call the doctor on call, but we did that night. By this time it had been 24 hours since her last wet diaper and we discussed her appearance with the doctor. I was thinking she would send us to the ER right away... Jason said that if we had to take her to the ER they would keep her for observation. This killed me because I had just come home and the thought of leaving my other two children for another day or two was heart breaking. I wanted us to be together as a family. We prayed over her and then shortly there after our doctor called us back. She said that we should force feed her formula every hour throughout the night. If she did not make a wet diaper by 5am then we were to take her to the ER. Well, it took a few hours, but she finally peed! Within 12 hours she started perking up and acting like a regular newborn. We took her in for a weight check on Friday and they thought she looked a little jaundice (and she had yet to poop!) and so they ran some labs. Thankfully, the labs came back in the normal range and they said as long as she begins to poop everything should be okay. We prayed for poop! I don't think I've ever seen people get so excited over their baby going to the bathroom, but by the time she finally did poop it had been 48 hours since her last one! We were thrilled and able to relax thinking she was going to be okay after all - she had just been a little dehydrated!
Now that Selah is hydrated she is doing excellent! She is such a good little girl and in the past three weeks there have only been two nights when she was up a lot. Other than that, she is going 3-4 hour stretches at night and going right back to sleep after feedings! She is getting into a rhythm during the day of eating, having awake time, and then taking a nap. She does like to be held during her awake time... which is slightly challenging when I'm trying to get lunch ready or something for the other kids, but overall I can't complain... she is a great little girl and I love see her "eyeballs" (as Havana and now I say about her during her awake time :). I feel honored to be her mommy... babies are such miracles.
Havana and Jonah are adjusting fairly well. Havana was a little emotional at first, but I honestly think that was due more to Jason and I being gone than it was to bringing Selah home. Her one point of confusion is what happened to "the baby in mommy's belly." She accepted baby Selah into our family no problem, but she couldn't forget that there was a baby in mommy's belly. Even now, three weeks later, when naming the members of our family she'll say, "mama, dada, vana, Baby Jonah, Baby Selah, Tucker, Baby in Mama's belly." And she still insists on giving the baby in mama's belly a kiss. I try to tell her that the baby came out and it is baby Selah... but she can't seem to grasp that concept. Poor girl. :)
Baby Jonah, he's great. He's been handling the change like a champ. He doesn't seem to mind that I hold her or when I feed her or the fact that she cries. However, since bringing her home he hasn't slept very well. At one point he was getting up 3-4 times in the middle of the night. If you know me, you know sleep training my children is one of my first goals and so to have him all of a sudden refuse to sleep seemed strange. I even wondered if he was getting sick... but as the nights continued we figured out it had to do with Selah. I think he knows something is different, but he can't seem to express it and so it is causing his sleep to be a little off. We decided that we would not bring Selah into his room during his night time routine so that we are purposefully making it Jonah's special time. We read him books, say prayers with him, and give him lots of snuggles without his older or younger sister in the room. Last night he only woke up once so I'm hoping we're getting over this, but that has been challenging for Jason and I because not only are we up often with Selah, but between her feeding times we are awake with Jonah. That makes for even more exhausted parents. :)
It was a little challenging at first with the weather being so incredibly hot (heat index of 115). Because of that heat taking Selah out was out of the question, but it also prevented us from doing much with our other children. If you know me, you know I don't stay home very often and so for us all to be in the house for several days was a struggle. We took everyone to church when Selah was only 5 days old which was a highlight for everyone -- Selah did great and slept through the whole service. :)
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| Selah's first time at church! |
A few days after we went to church Jason said that he would take Havana to the zoo as a fun treat and to get her out of the house. She had asked to go to the zoo or the pool everyday the entire week we had been home. Jason looked at her and asked if she wanted to go to the zoo and I've never seen a face light up so much. She yelled, "YEAH!" She was incredibly excited and ran upstairs to put on her swimsuit. While going up the stairs she pointed out the "new" gate that Jason had installed about three months ago. She said, "New Gate." I said, "yep, that's our new gate." Then in her excited voice she yelled "YAY DADDY. THANK YOU DADDY." I laughed out loud. She was so excited to go to the zoo that she was going to praise her daddy for everything she saw. :) However, there is a sad side to that story. When Jason and Havana arrived at the zoo - they were closed! I guess their evening hours had ended. Havana was a little sad about it, but Jason was brilliant and quickly came up with the solution to go to splash park down on the waterfront with her. She seemed happy enough when they returned home, but Jason said there was a lot of disappointment in the car. Glad I missed that because I'm not sure this postpartum mommy could have handled that. :)
The older kiddos have been doing some really sweet things! I've been trying to find time to spend with each child during the day. As I mentioned before, Jonah's special time is right before he goes to bed... Havana's special time is when she wakes up. I must say this is a favorite time for me. We don't snuggle her or lay in bed with her at night, but when I go in to get her in the morning or after her nap I'll lay in bed with her. Sometimes we lay there and I rub her back. Other times we just talk about her toys and life in general. Those moments are so sweet and I try and remind myself to simply enjoy them instead of thinking of everything else I have to get accomplished. Once as we were laying in bed together she was looking very serious... so I asked, "Does Havana feel sad or happy?" She said she was happy and so I said, "well what are you thinking about?" Very seriously she looked at me and said, "Pluto." I tried to control my laughter. She's so sweet and cute. Jason and I often talk about how we want her to remain that innocent and pure for as long as she can. Kids have enough to worry about in life that I want to shield her from any negative thoughts for as long as possible. I love her carefree life where her most complex thoughts revolve around her favorite stuffed animal. :)
Jonah has been equally funny these days! His vocabulary is exploding and I'm amazed and all the things he is saying. I think I'm shocked at the words coming out of his mouth because at 15 months Havana didn't say any words - not even mama and daddy. His newest words are, "thank you" "cookie" "up and down" -- he loves playing "peek -a - boo" and there is this game that Jason and Havana sometimes play during dinner - he'll take the top off his water bottle and spin it on the table after he counts to three. One day I gave Jonah my water bottle cap and he said, "one, two, three" and then he threw the top. I was shocked! He picks up on everything these days. He has a favorite book that we read at night and when I ask him to point to certain object on the page he can! What a smart boy! It is hard to realize how much he is absorbing because he is so quiet and plays so well by himself that I often forget to engage him. This sometimes hurts my heart... like the other day I was feeding Selah and reading books to Havana and Jonah was playing with some other toys in the same room. I look up after reading a few books to H and I see he is trying to read a book to himself. My heart broke - I hope he doesn't think I don't enjoy reading to him! Something similar happened the other night while we were doing Havana's bedtime routine... we always do shadow puppets on the wall together and while we were doing them I look over at Jonah who is across the room trying to do his own shadow puppets on the wall! I laughed because it was super cute, but again, it hurt my heart a little that I hadn't included him. My goal is to make more of an effort to engage him in play during that day. That sounds simple, but between a two year old who loves attention and a new born who demands attention - Jonah who is the definition of contentment easily is left to play by himself. I don't want that to be his normal and so I'm going to have to make a strong effort. It will be fun, though, because Jonah is such an incredible boy! :) He had his 15 month appointment last week and weighed in at 26.3 pounds! He was so brave during the shots and didn't even flinch - the doctor kept saying, "he's just sitting there!" He didn't mind when she looked in his ears or poked his belly. What a happy little perfect man! He isn't walking yet, but he did take his first steps the other day - however he hasn't take any since.
Selah has been eating well and growing daily. She is at that age where she is growing, but it is hard for me to notice it because she is still so little in comparison to the other ones running around. Yet, one day her newborn diapers no longer fit, we had to readjust her car seat buckles, etc. At her one week appointment she weighed 9 pounds, 6 ounces. I can't wait to see what she will weigh at her one month! It has been fun watching her adjust to life outside the womb. She enjoys being held and watching her brother and sister run around her. She likes it best when I hold her and so I kind of feel sorry for jason. He tries to hold her and she usually ends up crying. Jason was so cute the other day when he was talking about how he hasn't figured out what she wants from him yet... he has tried singing to her, rocking her, etc. and she always ends up fussing. I love how he tries to bond with each of our children over what they enjoy doing! He is an incredible daddy!
Jason went back to work last week! To say that I was nervous would have been an understatement. I was actually filled with quite a bit of anxiety over the thought of keeping three children by myself. Jason was very encouraging and made a point to pray with me before leaving. I prayed a lot for myself - that I would have patience and not get frazzled. I prayed that the Lord would give me strength... and you know what! He did! The first thing He did was change my heart. He helped me focus on Jason - how out of the two of us Jason had the harder job. Not to mention the less fun job! Yes, my job as the mom to three under three is hard... yes, it means that there is a good chance that one of the kids will always be crying... yes, it means I have less time to "myself" -- but I get to spend each moment with my babies. With the children that I wanted and prayed so hard for. I get to kiss boo boos, change diapers, cut up chicken nuggets, and hold a sweet new born. I get to push kids on the swings and laugh at silly jokes. When I make my focus that instead of the "woe to me, how am I going to get through the next several hours alone" it makes for a fun day and gives me more grace with my husband when he comes home. I also have been able to smile when I think of the Lord providing for me. I'm tired from being up with Selah and Jonah and yet when morning comes I find a bounce in my step that I have no idea how it is there... why are my eyelids not droopy? Why? Because the Lord is giving me the strength for each step... counting on Him for enough energy to get me through the next hour has been an amazing testament to His goodness! Don't get me wrong, there are stressful moments. Moments when my son loves playing in the dog's water bowl, moments when my new born is screaming and it is several minutes before I can pick her up, moments when I'm trying to feed three kids at the same time (not a pretty picture, trust me). But those moments end, I take a deep breath, and fall madly in love with my life. It's a choice, but one I love making.
I will say that there was one day when I was feeding baby Selah and not watching the other two closely. When I went to check on them Jonah was in the bathroom playing in the bathtub. He put himself in there, fully dressed, and was playing with all the toys. I laughed and then had to change his clothes because they were all wet from toys that were still holding water. When I went to check on Havana she was swinging in Selah's swing. I had to laugh and thought, "this is what I get for not watching all the kiddos closely." :)
I love being a mommy and received such an incredible compliment the other day. I was with a friend and she said that she loved my parenting style because I never yelled at my children and used positive praise rather than negative talk. She said she could tell I enjoyed being a mother. That made my heart sing because that is how I want to be known. I work really hard not to raise my voice and I don't want to fall into a habit of being critical towards my children. I want to have children who know I delight in being their mother and my friend's comments sent me soaring and I was thankful for the encouragement.
However, the Lord taught me a powerful lesson this week regarding the way I think about my children. I've always seemed to struggle when people around me complained about being a mom. I know it is a tough job, but I wouldn't want any other job... I can't imagine telling my kids they are driving me nuts or that I need a break from them. Sure, I have moments when I feel that way (or for me it is more that I feel like I want a date with my husband more than a break for myself :) but I quickly look at my babies and think back to our journey on becoming parents and suddenly my complaints pale in comparison to my blessings. I struggle when women talk about birth control (everyone knows how I feel about medical contraception (ha) but I do understand the need to be responsible and that not everyone is called to have a big family so I don't mean it in that way, but more when they talk about it as in "I better not have another kid, they drive me crazy" kind of way). I wouldn't wish infertility or miscarriages on ANYONE ... but at the same time, I'm thankful for what they taught me... I'm thankful that Jason and I try to cherish each moment and look at children as blessings from the Lord and not a burden. Yet, the Lord recently called to my attention that I have been talking a lot about "won't it be nice when..." -- Won't it be nice when my kids can all play with each other, won't it be nice when they can all swim and we can go to the pool and I can relax instead of making sure someone isn't drowning, won't it be nice when the kids can play by themselves in the back yard and I can sit and have a conversation with my husband, etc. I'm not complaining about my kids, but I'm not celebrating in the "now" -- this is a humbling lesson for me to swallow since I've been so careful as not to complain about motherhood, but is wishing them to be a little more self-sufficient isn't that different from complaining. Yikes! So, I'm striving to enjoy each moment, each stage, and to watch my thoughts and redirect them when I think "won't it be nice when..." So thankful for the Lord's loving conviction, but please keep me accountable if you hear me mention something about it being nice in the future... because I know old habits die hard!
As always, thanks for providing me a place to brag about my children and also share my struggles! I enjoy blogging although I do it so infrequently these days. :)
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