Facebook Free

About two weeks ago, in a moment of desperation, I deleted my facebook account. It seemed like a rash decision to others, but for me, it was a long time coming. The Lord had been after my heart for a long time and kept asking me to give Him facebook. I couldn't. I wouldn't. It sounds silly... we're talking about facebook here.. but I had allowed it to become and idol in my life.

Something I've always struggled with is being a "people pleaser" -- other's opinions of me is something I'm constantly battling. Over the summer I did a Bible Study called "No Other Gods" where the author called us to truly put to death in idols in our lives... along with the study I read an incredible book called "When People are Big and God is Small" in which it talks about how we often fear man, but not God. To say I was called to the carpet while reading that book would be an understatement. I have so often worried if something I did or said made someone like me more or less. It's sad really the hold this idol has in my life. I am currently taking actions to put it to death, but it honestly requires me putting it to death over and over again each day.

So, anyway, facebook falls into that category. I have had facebook since 2005 and had been a huge promoter of it. Quickly after meeting someone I will become their "facebook friend" and my total number of friends was well over 1,000. I hardly turned down a friend request even if I didn't really know how I knew the person. That kind of makes me giggle now to think about it, but it was the truth. I enjoyed being "friends" with everyone. To be fair, for the four years we lived in Indy I kept in great contact with my Louisville friends because of Facebook which made our move back down here seemless... so for things like that, I am extremely grateful for facebook.

But, as I was trying to overcome this overwhelming desire to be cherished by everyone... I let facebook take over. If I posted a status that got a lot of "likes" I was on cloud nine. If I got one that received no likes - I would go back and delete it. If something I said made someone else disagree I shuttered. I don't mind sharing my opinion or standing up for the truth, but I dreaded facebook fights... and we all know they exist. Crazyness.

Then there were those unhealthy boundaries. I was friends with men and women I didn't "need" to be friends with. People who I hoped would see how great my life turned out or who I would compare my life to which is never healthy.

The Lord kept asking me to give up facebook. I kept telling Him I couldn't for whatever reason: I wanted to sell books, I was ministering to people, and I was using it to bring HIM Glory. Ha. To be fair, in some ways I was. I would get emails from non-Christians when things in their lives were challenging, I did sell lots of books, and I do hope that my statuses were glorifying of Christ. But those good things were not the reasons I wouldn't give facebook up. I felt secure in those 1,000+ friends. Idol.

I told God I would take a break... a fast... because you know, that way I am giving God what He wants but it doesn't cost me as much as actually deleting my facebook account. Well, that lasted a day. Then I signed back and found it to be empty... so on a whim, I deleted it. And in that moment I was filled with instant peace. Instant. I was finally walking in obedience.

In the first few days following I felt like I was going through a break up. I didn't know what to do in my spare time and I felt lonely. I pushed through that for a few days and then it was as if scales had fallen off of my eyes and I began to see how destructive it had become in my life. That sounds strange, I know, but I thought about how intentional I have to be with my relationships now. I have to actually call/text/email friends instead of simply "liking" their status. I have to ask friends to text me photos of their children instead of looking on facebook. I have to be intentional... and I like that. I like how that protects Jason's and my marriage. My mind. My comparative thoughts.

Being without facebook has helped me plug into my family more. Instead of taking picture of my children and thinking "oh that is a cute one, I'll need to post that for sure" I take the picture and get to treasure it for the sake of my children. My mind is in the moment with them and not on my news feed or wondering who had commented on my most recent post. And I treasure that. In the days following my deleting the account I was often shocked at how often I thought something and then my next thought, "that should be my status." Really? My thinking had become that.

That's when it hit me. I had been living for an audience of more than One. Instead of sharing my thoughts with the Creator... I was sharing them with facebook. I mean does anyone really care if I "checked into" the zoo? Seriously? Why did I think they would care? Why would I care? What a distraction from My Lord - all the thoughts about what to write, where to check in, what photo to post and most of the time I didn't even realize I was thinking about it that much, but being without for two weeks now I'm realizing just how much energy I did spend thinking about all that. I tried to justify it for a while saying it was like an "online" journal for my children, but that's what I want this blog to be... that is what this blog was set up to be... while facebook was created for me and made my life all about.. me.

I created a page for my book about a year ago and I try to update that page often with a Bible verse for us to pray for our husbands. I kept that page up and deleted my personal facebook page, but I'm realizing I don't even have a desire to update that page anymore. I'm praying about where to go from here with that web page.

Last week I got a card in the mail from someone saying she loved staying caught up on my life through facebook... then today at church someone stopped me and told me she missed me on facebook because my posts were always so positive... "are you still off?" she asked.  I told her I was. I won't lie - when people say they miss me on there it makes me miss it. Makes me want to jump right back on, but as I sit before the Lord knowing that facebook free is where He wants me... I realize that walking in obedience to Him is better than any temporary high that facebook could give me.